Mistakes and Misgivings
by xTragicTheGreatx
Summary: *Triggering r/r sexual content and rape* Student/Professor. Severus Snape and Darling Fairchild (OC) Severus has taken a new potion that causes him to behave uncharacteristically and an unfortunate student pays the price for his mistake.
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**This is first and foremost an oc student-professor Snape fanfic. I do not own anything in the Potter-Verse. There is and will be mature and sexual content, and this opening chapter may make you very uncomfortable due to a mistake Severus has made... this will NOT continue to be a reluctance/rape fic, but this first chapter may be triggering to those who have been abused in this way. I draw many sexual experiences positive and negative from my own history, and do not pretend to think that what's therapeutic for me will work for all**.*

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He stood at the front of his classroom, writing in a delicate- albeit angry- hand on the chalk board. When he was finished writing the instructions and ingredients for a dreamless sleep draught he turned to his class.

The brats regarded him silently, with wide fearful eyes. He felt his lip pull up in contempt. As _if_ he would ever hurt his students. He had played his part well, and so the charade continued and he had found over the years that he truely had an easier time when he was being unpleasant. _It's better to be feared._

"You have one hour only. Follow the instructions _exactly_ and there should be no incidents." He ordered, his eyes turning swiftly to a student in the front just to his left. She had jumped at the sound of his voice, having been engrossed in transcribing his instructions on a piece of spare parchment. She knocked her inkwell over and the black substance was quickly pouring over her skirt and thighs.

He frowned. Surely... this girl had been in his class before, but he didn't remember her. She appeared to be a sixth year, and with a perfunctory glance at her robes he identified her as a Hufflepuff.

"Is there a problem?" He ground out, agitated as he watched the little thing staring at him dumbly with wide green eyes, her mouth a tiny 'O' of shock.

"N-no, Sir." She stammered, quickly balling her parchment up and dropping to the floor to soak up the running ink. His eyes narrowed, watching as she made an even bigger mess.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff," he barked and watched her shoulders sag and she turned miserable eyes to him.

"Professor, please... it was an accident." She said timidly, her eyes pleading. He felt a stirring of sympathy begin and then he scoffed to silence it.

"Detention, as well for begging. Leave the mess for now. You will clean it after class, when you serve detention." He said, turning back to his desk and sinking down into his chair where he lowered his gaze to the mound of papers he still had to sift through from last period. When he didn't hear any noise from his students for several moments, he turned his glower to them.

"Well?" He barked, pleased when they jumped into instant action. He spied the Hufflepuff Girl and frowned. She had ink all over herself still, and her hands were black with it. He took out his wand and flicked it in her direction.

" _Scorgify,"_ he said softly. The girl jumped as the ink vanished, looking around herself in bewilderment. Her eyes finally rested on him and she smiled warmly.

Snape wrinkled his nose in distaste, his mouth pulling sharply downward. _Students never smile at me._ He raised an eyebrow and threw a glare in hopes of discouraging such things in the future.

"Thank you, Professor Snape..." she mouthed to him. He rolled his eyes and scoffed, shaking his head at the silly girl and returning to his work.

The hour had soon passed and he called out to his students that they were now out of time and that he would be grading their potions and notes.

He pointed at the girl and growled, "You, Huffelpuff. Stay behind. The rest of you are dismissed."

The girl looked at him, her lips parted. The other students quickly shoved their belongings into their bags and left. Some looking at her with pity as they passed. Snape threw a hand out and shut the door from where he sat at his desk.

"Bring your potion and notes to me." He ordered, staring at her upturned face. She nodded and complied, gathering it with shaking hands. She set it on the desk in front of him and clasped her hands in front of her.

Snape had seen the gesture many times before, a subconscious way of creating a barrier when faced with someone or something that makes you feel uncomfortable. _U_ _nsafe._ As if that could protect her should he wish to harm her.

He ignored her as he scanned the paper, his eyes resting on her name briefly. _Darling Fairchild_. He snorted. He bet her parents had been Huffelpuff's as well with a name so ridiculously soft as Darling. He stole a glance at the girl. He began to remember her now, the sixth year girl that he'd allowed to transfer into his advanced class. He had the vaguest recollection of her from other classes through the years. She had always done well.

She had sage green eyes and curly golden hair and truthfully, she looked like a porcelain doll, and unfortunately she was probably just as fragile. She was definitely timid and mild. She had only just recently began to wear her hair in a more mature style instead of tied back with that ridiculous piece of red ribbon. Perhaps with Darling, she was aptly named. She hardly spoke, but she was kind to everyone and even got along well with his Slytherins.

Finally, he moved on to her potion. He scowled at it. Scrutinizing the color and scent.

"Is something wrong?" Darling spoke softly. He glanced at her again, this time in annoyance.

"No, Miss Fairchild." He said. He frowned again. It was perfect, not that he'd tell her that. "You may go now. You will serve your detention tonight, at eight. Do not be late."

She giggled, a tinkle of laughter that surprised and infuriated him.

"Am I _amusing_ to you, Miss Fairchild?" He snapped, feeling a tiny bit better when she startled, her eyes back to being wide and frightened.

"N-no, Sir. Forgive me... you made a rhyme and it simply struck me as funny. I did not mean to offend you, Professor. I would never laugh at you." She spoke honestly, her face turning pink with a slow flush. She grabbed the knot of her tie and looked away from him.

"Indeed. Remove yourself from my presence now, I have much to do."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, Professor. I will be back to serve my detention tonight." Darling backed away and sent the tiniest wave to him before she left. His frown deepened.

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Severus had left dinner early, his head pounding from all the idiocy he'd dealt with that day. He made his way to his office and then to his personal study, lifting a blue bottle of potion he had bought on a whim a few weeks ago in Hogsmeade.

He unstoppered it and smelled it to be certain of it's contents. Usually he would never buy a potion, but that day he had been out and about and particularly desperate for relief after escorting hoards of screaming and gallavanting children and unleashing them on the poor, unsuspecting village.

The potion was named "Relief draught" and was tutted as being able to relieve a myriad of conditions including headache, body aches, fatigue, depression, malaise and more. It also stated that it could regulate blood pressure, which was fine by him. It was probably too high from dealing with them on the daily anyway. He drank it, and washed it down with a shot of fire whisky from his cabinet.

The clumsy Fairchild girl would be due in roughly twenty minutes at any rate. The mouse of a witch would probably die of fright if she served detention with him in his current mood. Not that he particularly cared, though it would be hard to explain. He mused to himself about her for several moments more before pouring himself another shot of fire whisky and downing it before he rinsed his mouth with water and headed to his classroom.

His headache had already begun to subside, whether from the Relief Draught or the whisky he couldn't tell. He hadn't drank much, so he doubted the whiskey did anything other than weaken his liver, poison that it was.

He had just settled behind his desk when Darling came in. She smiled at him hesitantly her face barely visible behind the heavy wood door and he had the oddest compulsion to return it, but he suppressed himself.

"By all means, enter. Even if you didn't knock..." he drawled, slightly agitated at the lack of bite to his words that he'd intended.

She nodded, embarrassed by her lack of manners. She slipped into the room as silent as a ghost. _She looked like a ghost..._ he thought. _Maybe an angel._ Her hair seemed vibrantly golden this evening and her eyes full of life. Snape shuddered, feeling the slowly creeping disconnect from his body.

He should have suspected then, that something was wrong.

"Clean up the ink mess, Miss Fairchild." He ordered, his voice still agitatingly gentle. "I do not need to tell you that you will do this without magic..."

"Yes, Sir."

She went to the supply closet and gathered a bucket, sponge, and soap. He couldn't help but watch her movements. They seemed very graceful and almost sensual. He had never really _looked_ at her and he had barely register her existence at all. A small part of his mind tried to shut these thoughts out, but he silenced it easily. She was still a child at only sixteen. He shouldn't have thought these mature thoughts of her, but as his gaze roamed over her body while she wasn't looking... he didn't see a child. She looked very much like a woman. She sank to her knees to scrub at the ink on the floor and he shuddered, picturing her infront of him. Looking at him with Darling green eyes while she... _oh, Merlin._ He closed his eyes briefly and expelled a breath, trying to force this building feeling of arousal away and he groaned, fighting for control of his thoughts.

He knew it wasn't right. It was extremely inappropriate. His skin felt electrified, his chest began to rise and fall rapidly. Suddenly there were cool fingers on his hand. He opened his eyes and saw the sage green of Darling's.

"Professor Snape," she said, and he only just realized that she'd been calling to him, "are you alright?" Her voice was sweet and honied, her face full of concern. _Concern for him._

He gently reached out a hand and attempted to trail in along her cheek but she flinched away from him.

"Silly girl," he whispered slurily, looking at her with dark and hungry eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you..."

She stood still as he brought his hand back up to her face and caressed it. Her lips parted and he took the opportunity to stroke it with his thumb. She trembled. Her lips were soft and moist and he wanted them. He cupped the back of her neck in his hand and swiftly pulled her to him, his lips crashing onto hers. She resisted, but he didn't notice. He was tasting the sweetness of her tongue, his heart pounding. He _wanted_ her. Right now. He had to have her.

He stood, dragging the girl with him and began to kiss her neck, his excitement growing as she let out a soft breathy moan. He ran his hands over her clothed body feeling her curves underneath the thin material.

"Professer," she whimpered as he reached under her skirt to stroke her silken thigh.

All he could hear was the pleading in her voice, her soft moaning and her shaking body. He covered her mouth with his own and his fingers sought the edge of her panties and when he rubbed his fingers against her she shuddered and squealed into his mouth. He toyed with her, gently pulling her panties to the side and sliding his finger into her. She shuddered again against him, bucking her hips as her hands came up to his chest. She pushed him and he slid his finger in faster, pulling away from her lips and crushing her body against his. He withdrew his hand and grabbed her by her bottom and thighs to set her down on his desk. She was breathing hard as he laid her back, pushing her skirt up to her waist to reveal her dark blue panties. He pulled them to the side with a sharp tug and they ripped off easily and then he undid the button and fly of his slacks and pulled himself out of his drawrs. She gasped softly, pressing her knees together as he came forward to rest the tip against her core. He forced her legs apart without a second thought. If he would have looked at her, _r_ _eally_ looked at her, he would have seen the fear in her eyes.

He shivered as he felt her warmth, the wetness of it against him. his sole thought of possessing her. She pressed her knees into his hips as he rubbed his shaft against her, between her moist lips.

"Professor Snape..." she pleaded and tried to squirm away. The motion only allowed the tip of his arousal to gently press against her entrance. Her breath caught and she wiggled even more, trying to get away.

In Severus's state however, he mistook it as encouraging him to penetrate her as the wetness coated him. He slowly pressed into her and she stilled, a violent gasp tearing from her throat. There was a resistance that he didn't recognize until he forced past it and she cried out in pain, but to him he thought it might be pleasure. He kissed her deeply and continued thrusting into her, pushing into the tight wetness that spasmed around him. She made choked sobbing sounds and he felt her body tighten with what felt like her orgasm, a rush of fluid. He thrusted even harder as she cried out and wriggled beneath him until he felt his release building and he began to thrust harder and harder into her, teetering on the edge until finally he dove into her as deeply as he could. She dug her finger nails into his covered upper arms and screamed out against his mouth. He broke the kiss and buried his lips against her throat and that's when he realized that she hadn't been calling out in pleasure. She was screaming no.

The sound finally snapped him out of his aroused, possessed stupor. He froze and looked at her in horror, his eyes focusing finally and locked on to her green ones just as he released himself inside of her. The shock of it made him gasp and pant, pressing as deep as he could inside of her automatically.

"Please, stop!" She begged, her tearfilled eyes were wide and terrified, her face red and her breath huffing out of her in hysterical gusts. "Professor, _please it hurts!_ " She struggled against his hands that held her pinned to the desk by her upper arms and he released her, looking at them as though they were unfamiliar. His heart pounded as he looked from her face to where they were now joined in disbelief.

He was _inside_ of her. He had _came_ inside of her.

He let out a choked breath and attempted to withdraw but she cried out again, and that was when he noticed the blood around his shaft.

 _She was a virgin._ The resistance he had felt inside of her was her hymn and he had just... _smashed_ through it.

He was breathing hard, panic like ice water filling him. _How did this happen?_ He could barely remember her coming in and yet now he was _inside of her_. She was full of his semen and he could gather by the look on her face and his current position that he had taken her quite forcefully and unwillingly. He attempted to withdraw again and she covered her face and squealed, her tight walls protesting and gripping him. She was swollen from his roughness. He grunted at the sensation, guilt eating away at the pit of his stomach over the pleasure he had taken at her expense.

"I have to pull out..." he whispered gently to her. Stroking blonde curls away from her heart shaped face. She was weeping and his normally cold heart broke into pieces over it. "I didn't mean- I didn't mean to do this."

He attempted to withdraw again for a third time and she wrapped her legs around him.

"W-wait..." her voice shook as she took deep breaths to calm herself. "Please wait until it's smaller..."

She looked up at him and he took in her face. The pain, emotional and physical in her eyes was suffocating. The betrayal that he saw in them was biting. Her bloodied lip was quivering between her teeth and he gently pulled it free and stared at her swollen lips. _Lips swollen from **his** kisses. _The action caused him to slide deeper into her and she whimpered quietly, closing her eyes and balling her fits. He held still, not wanting to hurt her anymore than he had and gradually he felt her walls loosen as his erection had begun to dissipate. She was no longer gripping him so tightly. She gently rocked her self against him for a moment and he fought the urge to thrust into her or make a sound. Darling then nodded her head shakily to him.

"Okay... you can... you can take it out now."

He held her hips and carefully withdrew from her. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and gasped, inciting a few more sobs to come from her. She closed her legs and slid off the table. A small trickle of blood and his seed ran down her thigh as she stood there shaking, one hand pressed against her lower stomach. He looked at her in shame, spotting the small blood drop still on his desk that stared at him accusingly.

"I didn't realize I was-" he began, emotion thick in his voice. He thought to correct it but the last thing the shaking girl needed was to be even more afraid if him... "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened..." A slow and horrified realization creeped upon him. The new potion... he had mixed it with alcohol. Most alcohol would mix just fine... but some potions had a drug like effect. He still felt the burn and sway, but he was in control again.

He groaned and sank into his chair. Darling simply stood there. Staring absently at nothing in particular, anywhere but at him.

Because he had just _raped_ her. He fisted his hands in his hair. He felt sick with disgust. He'd never raped a woman before, much less a _child._ The thought made him want to vomit. She _was_ just a child, no matter how much she looked like or sounded like a woman, she was a _little girl_ , and he had violated her. _Ravaged her like a monster._ A virgin, even. He never would have done this, not even in his days as a death eater. He glanced back at her trembling wet thighs and the pool of pinkish liquid on the floor beneath her.

He jumped out of his seat, taking note of the way Darling flinched, and went to the sink, grabbing a clean cloth and wetting it in warm water. He brought it back and attempted to hand it to Darling, but she wouldn't even look at him. He reached a gentle hand to her thigh and then when she didn't react, he carefully cleaned the blood and seminal fluid away.

She was in shock, her emotions and responses shut down to cope with what he'd done.

"I took a new potion this evening... I made a mistake and took a shot or two of fire whisky with it. I should have known better..." he said out loud, "I wasn't myself. I would never hurt you... or any woman... like this. I will inform the headmaster myself so that you don't have to." He said quietly, having finished cleaning her up he balled the once white but now red stained wash cloth in his hand and looked at it.

"No," she shook her head. "I won't tell anyone. You'll lose your job... if that's really what happened..." her lip quivered and she blinked away tears, "then you're no more at fault than I am. It was an accident."

A biting correction was poised on his tongue but he let it go, he would never speak harshly to this girl again. He'd already damaged her enough.

"Please, may I go now Professor?"

"Are you alright to leave yet?" He asked her gently. She shook her head and more tears rolled down her face.

"I want to take a shower..." she whispered.

He was silent for a moment and she looked at him, her gaze flickering from his face to the floor in shame.

"Yes, Darling... you may go now."

She stood there for a moment more with her arms around herself before she left, leaving him with his own tormented thoughts.

 _"Professor, please... it was an accident."_


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**I do not own Harry Potter in anyway, I just love Snape. Darling is my only character in this story. I hope you all enjoy!***

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Snape paced in the classroom until late into the night. He threw tables and chairs and ripped up books and yelled. He wasn't proud of himself. It had been years since his last tantrum. With a tired sigh he cleaned and restored his room with his wand and then he sank down in his chair.

 _How could he have done that?_ He'd never in his life considered taking a student- all though several had tried, male and female- over the years. Now that he had sobered and calmed, he still barely felt a flutter of attraction for Darling, and he was _trying_ to. Had that blasted potion reduced him to nothing more than a hormone crazed beast? Why had he felt such a powerful lust for her when it was evident that he didn't possess it before or after?

The look in her eyes had burned into his very blackened soul. It was a scar that would remain forever. He thought about her alone, crying in the shower and washing his monstrous touch away at this very second. It just didn't make sense to him that he could mistake her unwillingness for passion. He recalled now her pleading to him, closing her legs, pushing him... squirming _away_ not _to_... why hadn't he paid any attention? It was obvious that she didn't want him, even if her body responded. A rush of heat spilled through him at the thought of her orgasming around him. He hated himself for it.

He was torn between wanting to talk to her and wanting to forget about the whole horrendous deal. Perhaps if he possessed a time turner... but no. They would never allow him to have one.

This was bad. All of the wrongness had compounded and sat like stones inside the pit of his stomach.

He knew morally that he should go and turn himself in for this. She shouldn't have to suffer in silence for his foolish _stupid_ mistake.

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Darling trembled underneath the hot water. Her stomach and nether regions ached and burned. She couldn't believe that this happened. She had lost her virginity, to _Professor Snape._ She should have left when she first noticed his odd behavior. He seemed... drugged.

She reached between her legs to clean there and her face crumpled back into weeping. She was still bleeding slightly, more than she thought she should have been. Professor Snape had been very rough with her, even her arms were bruised where he'd held her down. Why didn't he realize that she was a virgin? She was only 16, after all. She'd never even been kissed before him.

She felt betrayed by her own body. She couldn't believe that she'd had her first orgasm while she was so afraid. It felt really good but it hurt, like he was going to rip straight through her. It was confusing and it made her ashamed to admit that now it was over, she couldn't stop thinking about it. It was horrible and frightening while it was happening... but now she didn't know how she felt. She replayed the encounter over and over in her mind until she was certain she'd scrubbed every inch of herself clean. Then she made her way back to the Hufflepuff common room and went to bed.

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Severus kept his eyes open and searching for Darling the next morning at breakfast. She had a double potions lesson with him today, and he was anxious to see if she would come back to his class after he had mauled her. Finally he spotted her. She stood silently in the doorway of the Great Hall, her eyes locked on his.

He was disappointed when she backed out of the room, fear in her eyes as though he'd jump up and ravage her right on the Hufflepuff table. No one else had noticed her retreat and he contemplated going after her for a moment, fearing that she'd do something drastic. He got up swiftly and made his way out to find her.

It took a few minutes, but he finally found her hiding in an alcove by one of the numerous stained glass windows in the hall. Her eyes flashed in panic when she saw him and for a moment he thought she'd bolt.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Darling." He said gently, doing his best to make his face and eyes soft.

She choked on a laughing sob, "That's what you told me last night."

He winced at that, she had said it gently and just stated it as a fact, but it twisted the blade in his gut all the more.

"I promise you, Miss Fairchild... I'm not a monster. I don't normally go around grabbing and... and, well. You need not worry about that happening with me ever again. It was a toxicity induced ecstasy and it will never happen again."

The girl sniffled and nodded her head. "Okay, Professor.".

"Do you hurt?" He asked gently, noticing the hand pressed against her abdomin.

"Yes, my stomach hurts still and my... I'm sore there too."

He glanced up and down the hallway before offering his hand to help her stand. "I have a potion in the classroom that will help, as well as a salve that will soothe... that."

He felt silly being unable to say the proper name, but she seemed very uncomfortable talking about it at all. She was just a girl, who's innocence had been stolen by his selfishness and idiocy. She took his hand reluctantly and allowed him to help her up.

"Thank you." She said, following him down to the Potions Classroom. She sent her things down on her normal desk and waited while he rumaged through his stores for a painkilling salve that would be suitable for a delicate area such as a woman's vagina. Triumphant, he found one that was normally used after child birth made of witch hazel and aloe. Then he found a pain-killing draught for her to drink.

When he came back from his supply room, fat tears were rolling down her cheeks, but no noise escaped. He followed her gaze to his desk where not even twelve hours before he'd taken her on it.

"Darling?" He asked softly, bringing her attention to him. She tore her gaze away from the desk with a hard blink and looked at him. He handed the draught and salve to her.

"Drink the draught and use the salve when needed..." he said and then warned "it's for external use only, do not put it inside. It may cause iritation."

She was silent as death, but she nodded to let him know she understood. He went to his desk and spotted a strip of blue fabric underneath it that he quickly grabbed and stuffed in his robes. He definitely didn't want anyone to find _that_ and he especially didn't want Darling to see the panties that he'd savagely ripped from her.

He watched her covertly until the start of class and she did an acceptable job in pretending that there was nothing wrong with her.

Jule, a nice Hufflepuff boy tried to get her attention but she studiously ignored him. Snape felt the bitter tang of regret. Normally, the girl would have at least exchanged pleasantry. He eyed the boy, wishing silently that he'd been the one to eventually deflower her.

He scowled, feeling like a creep for imaging his students being intimate together, but she had deserved to know the touch of a kind and gentle man on her first night as a woman. Someone who definitely wasn't him.

He paled at the thought. He had made her a woman with his touch and cursed her to have the shadows of suspicion gather around her when it came to men. The guilt stabbed at him again, but this time he pushed it away, taking twenty points from Gryffindor when a boy accidently added the wrong ingredient and smoke began to fill the room.

"Class is dismissed." He growled, using his wand to dispose of the cloud of black smoke that was taking over his room.

Darling got up as quickly as she was able to and gathered her things to leave. She hoped Professor Snape didn't want to talk to her... but she knew that he did.

Sure enough, as soon as she was on her feet Professor Snape was there, looking down on her with his dark eyes.

"Miss Fairchild, I would like a word with you." He said, a fellow student just leaving arched a brow at his gentle tone but left quickly when Snape turned his sneer on him, and then his gaze returned to the girl. She looked down at her feet.

"I suppose so, Sir... but I'll be late to transfiguration."

"I will give you a note for Professor McGonagall." He reassured her.

She carefully looked up at him. He seemed really tired, like he didn't sleep at all last night after what happened. She, on the other hand, slept in a little too late and barely made it to the Great Hall for a breakfast she didn't eat.

Professor Snape felt completely and totally responsible for the misery in the young girl's eyes. They had darkened from sage to bottle glass, and there was a haunted look to them now. He gently pulled a blonde curl away from her face, and his heart squeezed just a little when she flinched. He could tell that she had tried to suppress it, but after all... the last time he'd touched her like that he raped her. He wasn't even sure why he touched her now.

"Are you going to be alright?" He asked. Her lip trembled but she nodded.

"I'll be alright... eventually, Sir." She attempted a smile but it was very forced. He laid his hand on her shoulder, disregarding the way she shook and looked into her eyes, searching for truth but he could see nothing below the thick layer of hurt in them.

"Should you wish to speak to me, please don't hesitate. I am here to listen and I would like to help you to move past this. I can not change what has happened, but believe me... I wish I could."

"Yes, sir. I understand... until then, can you please just treat me like you did before? Back when I didn't exist." The miserable sincerity in her gaze knocked the breath out of him.

The question caught him off guard. Now that he had become entangled with her, how was he supposed to just stop?

"I will try, Darling."


	3. 3

**I do not own the Potter-Verse, Darling is my own original character. I hope you are enjoying the story thus far, please leave a comment and tell me what you like.**

 ***P.S. please forgive random mistakes I'm using my phone to write this and sometimes autocorrect does strange things. :)***

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Severus couldn't stop thinking of Darling. It'd been a little over two weeks since he'd last spoken to her and he was growing more worried about her as the days went by. She hardly spoke in class. He watched her at lunch and even when her friends attempted to engage her, they were discouraged by her disinterest. Still, she kept her silence. _A silence kept to protect him._

Why she cared about his job or reputation was beyond him. Three or so days after the incident he noticed the large bruises from where he had held her down when she shed her robes to work on a potion and he had hissed a warning word to her and given her a bruise fading salve for it.

He wanted to talk to her. She hadn't been sleeping well or eating well. That much was evident by the dark circles under her eyes and the way her clothing had begun to hang loose. His heart seemed to become softer at thoughts of her. He had dreamed about different outcomes from that night several times.

Sometimes it was a horribly violent thing and he'd awake sick with guilt. Other times, they were erotic and full of passion and he awoke filled with need. Wanting to be with her again.

He felt disgusted by it. His thoughts had been over run by daydreams of Darling and lustful thing that a decent man ought not to entertain. How dare he even think of touching her ever again?

A sudden thought struck him.

He came inside her that night. _Had she had her monthly yet?_ He went cold at the thought of possibly having begotten a child onto such a young woman, who was still a child herself. He hoped that she hadn't fallen pregnant. That might very well be the thing to throw her over into complete despair, not to mention... it would go very badly for all parties involved.

He tried to respect her wishes of invisibility, but he needed to talk to her about this. Alone. Where they couldn't be overheard. A tick started in his jaw as he pondered how to get her alone, watching the blonde angel all the while.

He waited until dinner was through and then he approached her. Darling had just risen to leave the Great Hall when he decended upon her. He felt guilty for frightening her, but he had to keep up appearances.

"Slacking off, I see. Surely you do remember that you have a detention to serve?" He snarled at the small girl.

Her eyes were fearful as she looked up at him. "Sir?" She asked uncertainly, searching his face. He looked down on her meaningfully and it clicked in her mind what he was trying to say. Her face smoothed immediately and she nodded. "I remember sir, at eight."

"Indeed." He growled and swept himself out of the room in a flourish, his capes billowing behind him for effect. He rushed to his office to compose himself and rehearse what he was going to say to her tonight. He had been wanting to talk with her for weeks and he thought just blurting out his concern would be alarming... perhaps she had already thought if it herself, or maybe she had simply had her monthly and so the thought had never occurred at all.

The time passed slowly as he waited for her to come, minutes crawled by like hours and finally it was nearly time. He made tea and sent for pastries from the kitchen and set the service tray on the small table with two chairs that sat in the corner of his office. With a thought, he waved his wand and wild flowers collected in an empty glass vase on his shelf that he levitated to the table.

His brow furrowed. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he wanted the girl to be put at ease. A soft knock came at the door. Severus opened it and allowed her to come in.

"Good evening, Darling." He said politely, "Will you sit and have some tea with me?"

"Good evening, Professor..." she simpered. "Yes. I will join you for tea."

Severus looked down and noticed that she had her wand tucked in her sleeve. A lump of nausea rose in his throat. _Surely,_ _she didn't think he intending to repeat her last detention?_

"Darling, you are _safe_ with me. I will never touch you like that without your express permission again." He tried not to sound angry or hurt, but the anger bled through anyway and she flinched away from him, once more clasping her hands in front of her.

"Okay, Professor Sn-" she began, her lip trembling.

 _Merlin, what had he done to her?_

"Please, call me Severus in private." He interrupted suddenly. The sound of her calling him Professor brought up the phantoms of her cries that night and it was revolting. He had been intimate with her, as one sided and rough as it may have been, but he was attempting to atone for it. She was perhaps the _only_ person that he wanted to feel comfortable in his presence.

She looked up at him in shock, "You... want me to call you by your given name?"

"In private, yes." He sat down at the table and poured the tea. She sat in the chair opposite of him quietly, and thanked him when he handed her the cup. She added cream and sugar and Severus took note of how much so he'd be able to make her tea should there be future visits.

"These flowers are pretty," She said after a few moments, noticing the very uncharacteristic things. She looked at Severus. "Did you make these for me?" She asked curiously.

Severus sipped his tea in quiet thought, feeling nervous about having done it. His first instinct was to lie, but he couldn't. "I did... do you like them?"

He couldn't help the hopefullness in his eyes. A small smile blossomed across her face and he felt his heart shudder, a foreign rush of warmth spreading through him. It felt, he mused, like affection.

"Thank you, I like them a lot. This is very nice of you... it's almost like we're on a date."

He choked on his tea but recovered quickly. "I suppose... in a way I guess it is." He scrutinized the room and then looked at her flatly. "Not a proper one, of course."

"Mmm. We need candle light. I've never been on a date." She smiled shyly. She seemed to be relaxing in his presence, finally believing that he hadn't lured her here so he could force himself upon her.

" _Accio candles!"_ He spoke and two fat white candles flew to him from the storage room where he lit them and placed them on either side of the flowers.

"Is this better?" He said, his tone almost playfully teasing. He didn't feel like himself... but it felt _nice_ to be here with her, being pleasant.

Her eyes finally lit up, the beginings of a blush creeping over her. "That's much better... Severus."

His breath hitched in his throat when she said his name. From her mouth it sounded so sweet. His fist clenched under the table as his body suddenly stirred. Thankfully, Darling didn't notice.

"How have you been feeling?" He asked. Taking in her effortless beauty. Her soft curls and sage eyes. She wore minimal makeup and of course... her student robes. The unbidden lust that he had begun to feel screeched to a halt at the reminder.

There was no written rule at Hogwarts that a student and teacher couldn't be intimate or date, but to his knowledge, it'd never happened before. He was sure it was frowned up, especially if it was found out that he'd taken her by force. He was certain that it would be bad all around if he was found out.

"Do you want me?" She asked suddenly lowering her lips to her tea cup and sipping it. She watched him with curious- and still slightly fearful- eyes.

"I've told you, Darling... I will not touch you without your permission again." He said uncertainly. His palms had begun to sweat and his heart beat sped up. He could almost feel his pupils dilating as he watched her.

"I know..." she said quietly, "but if I were to consent... would you want me?"

Severus turned red, complete shock running through him. "Are you saying that you want me?"

Tears suddenly poured from her eyes and he looked at her in alarm. He got out of his seat and hesitantly laid his hand on her back as she cried.

"Why are you crying, Darling?" He asked, still bewildered. He ran through what he'd said, unsure what sparked this.

"I'm just so confused..." she cried softly. "I don't understand why I feel like this... I came while you were... while.." she admitted and then cried even harder and Severus pulled her up from the chair gently and awkwardly embraced her. He wasn't used to giving comfort, but he'd try for her sake. He had already known she'd orgasmed, and been slightly confused as well.

"Was that your first orgasm?" He asked gently. She nodded against his chest.

"Yes, and ever since then I can't stop thinking about it. I _didn't_ want it- _I don't want it like that-_ but I wake up with this burning in my body and I lay in bed and relive it over and over."

His heart was still pounding and his body stirred again at this confession. "That's because it was your first time... you don't have a better time to think of. I suppose you could use your imagination..." he said, his voice brimming with uncertainty. "I'm sure that many people orgasm their first time."

"When they're being raped by their Potion's Professor?" She wept clutching him tighter.

He stiffened but laid his cheek against her curls and sighed, her words cutting through him. He searched for something to say, anything to comfort her and make her less ashamed of responding to him, even under such unfavorable circumstance.

"Give me a better memory." She whispered so quietly that at first he thought it has just fantasy until she looked up at him with those eyes.

"Darling..." he looked at her, his face falling into a mask. "I can't... do that. You're confused. I understand that you're having a hard-"

"Please, Severus. Take me."

"I will not force myself onto you again, Darling." He growled suddenly, glowering down at her. She silenced him with a hesitant kiss. Her inexperienced lips moving against his. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pressed herself against him.

Severus was so conflicted as he felt her passion stirring. She was now waiting for _his_ consent and it made him feel leaden. This had to be another one of his dreams...

He held her closer, deepening the kiss before he suddenly pulled away.

"If I do this... I'm going to be gentle and slow. I will show you how a man is meant to touch a woman." He whispered, the desire in his eyes mirrored in hers. She nodded and he carefully gathered her up in his arms and led her to his private chamber hidden behind his Slytherin tapestry.

He sat her down gently on his large four poster bed, climbing onto the green and silver duvet and closing the curtains around them. He lowered himself down on top of her, kissing her hesitantly. She kissed him back, shuddering underneath him. He could feel her fear, but also her excitement. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about it, but he would do this for _her._

He gently rocked his clothed hips against hers, pulling up her skirt. His lips travled down her neck, to the first button of her shirt. He removed it slowly, kissing lower and lower with each loosened button. She was breathing hard, moaning when he freed her left breast and took the taut nipple into his mouth. He gently nibbled and sucked on her breast while massaging the other.

He moved on, down her stomach, removing her skirt until she remained in just her bra and underwear, and then he hesitated. He looked at her face, searching it but unable to see much in the darkness.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked quietly. He thought he heard her sniffle. "Are you crying?"

"I'm just a little scared... but I want this." She answered. Severus sighed and laid his forehead against hers.

"Darling... if I am to continue this, I need to know I have your absolute consent. Do you understand? I am not a man who would... _knowingly_ force a woman. I may be cruel, but I'm not quite so twisted."

"I do want it!" She said.

"Then why are you afraid?"

"I'm afraid that it'll hurt." She said into the darkness. _Like last time._

"It won't hurt like it did before. It might be uncomfortable in the begining, but I'll be gentle." He said quietly, caressing her. His heart felt heavy.

"Okay... I'm ready." She whispered her consent, pulling his hips back down on top of hers until their bodies were flush.

He covered her mouth with his, kissing her deeply and passionately. Severus hooked his thumb under the band of her panties and pulled, taking them completely off and then taking his own clothing off. He was briefly worried that she'd see his dark mark but it was dark enough that even he couldn't make it out and then he removed his pants. He listened to her breathing in the dark, excited, fearful, but not crying.

When he was freed he recovered her body with his own, their combined heat keeping them comfortable in his cold dungeon.

His erection lay against her, and he kissed her and ran his hands over Darling's soft body, his hips pressing against hers, grinding his stiff member against her softness. He wanted to make _sure_ that she wanted him before he entered her. She was hot and wet against him and her breathing was irregular with lust.

"Do you want me?" He asked, kissing her throat and gently sucking behind her ear. She moaned underneath him.

"I want you, Prof- " She panted, "Severus."

When she moaned his name he thought that he could cum right then but thankfully, he was able to resist. Instead, he entered her slowly but firmly. She tensed at first, her hands clenched into fists on his back. She buried her face in his shoulder and shuddered beneath him.

"Is this okay?" He asked, holding still. She nodded against his shoulder and he slowly began to move, within minutes the sound of heavy breathing gave way to moaning and pleasure induced noises, he couldn't even help himself from moaning her name when she began to move her hips to meet his, picking up the pace. He fisted his hand in her hair, taking care not to actually pull it as he thrusted, the other hand cupped her bottom. He took possession of her mouth, groaning when he felt the tell tale sign of her impending climax.

Darling tightened around him and she desperately wrapped her legs around his waist and ground herself against him. He thrusted in and out of her, bringing a gasp of pleasure with each stroke and then she came. She was hot and molten with desire and lust and she pulled her lips from his and cried out, blind with pleasure. She continued to twitch and make desperate unintelligible noises while he continued, taking complete control of the pace and her body. Then he stilled suddenly, panting, and she knew that he was about to cum and so she rocked herself against him unabashedly, wanting to give him that peace.

"Darling... if you don't stop I'm going to cum inside of you." He panted, moaning and trying to hold back as she milked him with her body. Bringing him closer and closer to that release.

"Cum inside me, Severus." She moaned back and then he couldn't hold back anymore... he thrust against her deeply and came, shuddering and hard from the relief. His body collapsed on top of hers while he panted.

Darling held him against her, her breathing still uneven and her body coated with light clean sweat. He kissed her, waiting for his breath to catch up before withdrawing from her.

 _He had came inside her for the second time._

With that knowledge came that cold nervous feeling. He doubted she knew the birth control charm... but now was not the time to mention it.

A loud chime sounded through his chamber and he froze.

Someone had just entered his office.


	4. 4

**Thank you for reading, please leave a review if you enjoy it to keep me enthusiastic about this story. :) The more reviews, the more incentive I have to keep writing! I don't own ANYTHING from the Potter-Verse, but Darling is my own creation.***

 ***Special thanks to _JadeDoeAlways_ for being my first reviewer! I'm glad you're loving Darling. :) I hope you enjoy.***

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Panic shot through him but he forced himself to remain calm. Darling was watching him with her fearful eyes, not knowing what was happening but sensing his panic.

"Someone is in my office... wait here." He ordered, sliding silently out of bed and pulling his clothes on quickly. He left his chamber and stepped into the office, suprised to see Professor Sprout. He was sure it would have somehow been Head Master Dumbledor.

"Pomona, to what do I owe this visit?" He asked, his voice the same unpleasant voice that others were use to. He folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow at her.

Pomona was a squat witch with greying hair and a hardy exterior, but she was good to the core as Huffelpuff's supposedly were.

She huffed at him, her eyes glaring accusingly at him. "As if you didn't know!"

He had long grown used to her theatrics, and so he simply waited for her to continue.

"I'm here to talk to you about Darling Fairchild." She said coldly. Ice flooded his veins.

"What about Miss Fairchild?" He sneered, looking to all the world to be simply agitated that she'd interrupted his evening of solitude and brooding. _As if that's how he spent all his free time._

"Well, you gave her detention to serve tonight and I want to know why. There were no points taken from Hufflepuff. She's a sweet girl and I won't tolerate you bullying my Hufflepuffs!"

He glowered at her, dropping his voice to a barely audible hiss, turning his face ever so slightly downward to catch the shadows and make himself look more frightening. "Do you presume to tell me how to run my own classroom, Pomona? Hufflepuff or _not..._ students of all houses are also _my students_. How or why I punish them is none of your concern. How I run my classroom, is also none of your concern. Do I make myself clear, or shall we ask the Head Master for his opinion?"

Pomona opened and shut her mouth like a fish, dumbstruck. "Miss Fairchild still hasn't returned from detention."

"She went to shower. She was covered in ink from cleaning yet another well spill. I've given her a hall pass and I assume she'll be finished when she's no longer black from fingertips to elbows. I've forbidden her to use magic to clean it. Let her deal with the frustration that her clumsiness brought."

"She could be up all night trying to wash it off, Severus!" She huffed again.

"So be it. Hopefully it will prevent her from being so wreckless in the future. Now, if you have nothing more to say, I'd like to get on with my evening."

Pomona wrinkled her nose at him, her eyes angry. "Fine. Good night, Severus." She turned on her booted heel and stalked out of the room, not waiting for his reply.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to the Slytherin tapestry that disguised his chambers. He waved away the protective enchantments with his wand and stepped through to find Darling just on the other side, already dressed. Her eyes were wide and nervous.

"Is everything okay, sir..." she asked, blushing and then amending, "Severus?"

Severus gathered her in an embrace, breathing in her scent. She twitched with a reflexive flinch but she quieted immediately. Darling smelled like honey and wildflowers. He breathed her in, commiting the clean scent to memory before he looked down at her. "You have to go now."

Darling's lip quivered, "Why?"

He gently stroked that quivering lip and leaned in to drink in the sweetness of her mouth, his heart warm but conflicted when he pulled away. "That was your head of house. I told her that you were in the showers washing off ink. You should bathe here quickly, and I will help you get back to the Hufflepuff Commons unseen. It's late enough that most students should be in bed, but it's best to get you back quickly in order to avoid further stirring the badger. They can be quite vicious when provoked."

Darling laughed, somewhat relieved to know that Severus didn't think poorly of her because of being a Hufflepuff. He smiled, the action looking foreign and awkward on his face. She laid her head against his chest, closing her eyes and hearing the rhythmic beating of his heart.

"Am I special to you?" She asked, holding onto him in the dimness.

He was silent for a moment, contemplating what to say as he held her, drunk on the smell of her and the affection he felt for her.

"Yes," he answered. He had the strangest feeling that he was about to drown. "you have become very special to me."

Darling smiled against his chest. Her relief was tangible. He could almost feel the stress and fear melt out of her. "May I ask one more question?"

Severus refrained from quiping at her that she had just asked one, but he nodded his head. "Of course, Darling."

"Can we continue this..." she bit her lip, squeezing him tighter. "whatever this is?"

His heart sunk into his stomach. He wanted to be with her, but she was still his student. Something that could have very serious repercussions. He didn't want to say no, so he said nothing at all and simply held her. Darling that she was, she didn't pursue it.

"Have you had your monthly yet?" He whispered. She startled and looked up at him with a blush. He couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm a man, not a boy. I will not get embarrassed or tease you about your cycle."

She blushed for a few moments more, still embarrassed to talk about it. "No. I haven't... why?"

That coldness he'd felt in the pit of his stomach grew and he fought against the shaking breath that huffed out of him. He said nothing but pressed his lips to her forehead. Kissing it softly. A feeling of dread, but a strange happiness fluttered. Darling might be pregnant. Pregnant with _his_ child.

"Do you believe that you could be pregnant?" He asked quietly. She looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"I... I don't know." She shook against him. He understood that she'd be afraid. He was afraid too, even if the idea wasn't so horrible to him. He could imagine himself being happily tied to Darling, in a world in which she wasn't his sixteen year old student.

"You'll have to be tested then..." he said softly. He pulled away from her and walked to a cabinet near his desk and found an empty ampoule. He brought it back to her. She looked at it uncomprehendingly, obviously having never been tested or having been told of such things. _His sweet, innocent Darling._

"I need a sample of your blood, to test it."

She looked at him in shock, but carefully pulled out her wand. She opened her unmarred palm and lifted her wand to slash across it but Severus gripped her wrist.

"A prick of the finger will suffice, as long as you can produce more than a few drops." He dropped her hand gently.

"Oh, okay." She said, sliding the tip of her wand over her fingertip, thinking _cut._ She hissed at the stinging, watching as a fat drop welled up to the surface. Severus deftly wiped it away.

"You never use the first drop when testing blood." He answered at her quizzical glance.

She nodded and squeezed her finger, producing more, squeezing a few drops into the ampoule. When she'd given enough, he carefully took it from her.

"You should shower now. " He said, still looking at the blood in the vial.

"Here?" She asked, eyes wide and nervous.

"If you wish to," He said, thinking about Darling bathing in his shower made him warm with pleasure. "there's no need to be embarassed... we've just been intimate."

She bit her lip, but nodded.

He set the ampoule on his desk after corking it and led her to his bathroom, producing a fresh towel from his linen closet. She blushed, taking it.

While she was in the shower, Severus went to his study to brew the simple pregnancy detection potion. It would have to sit overnight, but he'd test the sample first thing in the morning.

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Darling had made it back to her common room without incident after kissing Severus goodbye. The nervousness she felt wouldn't go away as she laid in her bed with her curtains drawn shut. She gently stroked her flat stomach, imagining the possible life growing inside her.

A child.

She knew that if she was pregnant it would have resulted from that awful night, but for what ever reason, it didn't seem so bad now. Tonight he'd been gentle and... loving, perhaps. She didn't think he loved her, but she knew she mattered to him and for now that was enough.

Tomorrow may bring the news that she was pregnant with his child, and even as scary as it was... it was also sort of exciting. She was young and she knew that once her parents found out she'd be in big trouble.

They may even be unwilling to let her continue to live with them. She didn't know how to support herself on her own... but if she had to she'd figure it out.

She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep after that. The scent of her dark professor's body soap lulling her.


	5. 5

**I do not own the Potter-Verse, but Darling is mine. Thank you all for following me this far into this sordid little tale. :) It seems to me, that we're all just a little hot for teacher. ;) Just kidding... lol. As always, please forgive the random spelling mistakes/autocorrect errors or random punctuation problems. I will fix them as I find them when I go back and reread. My phone is stupid, and my fingers and dumb.***

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Darling awoke with a heavy sense of anticipation. Today she'd find out if she was pregnant with her Potion Master's child. She glanced over to her friend, Calista Rayner was still sleeping in her bed. Her dark complexion made her even harder to see in the dim light, but she could make out her form and the bright silver beads she wore at the ends of each perfect braid. She'd hardly spoke to her since her first detention with Professor Snape- Severus.

She tore her eyes away from the other girl and checked her other room mates for signs of stiring but they were all still fast asleep.

It must have only been about 6:30, because the sun had barely risen high enough in the sky to illuminate the room. She pulled herself out of the warmth of her bed and looked out of the slim archer's window. The glass was slightly frosty with the winter air, which was unsurprising. It was early December, the 4th, she believed.

There was no snow on the ground, but the sky looked heavy with the promise of it soon.

She didn't have classes today; it was a weekend when they allowed students to visit Hogsmeade, but that wouldn't be until later in the afternoon.

Darling wondered if Severus would be going today.

Severus paced in his study holding the ampoule of Darling's blood. Thoughts ran through his mind of his potential child, wondering if Darling would allow him to stay in its life, or _her_ life for that matter.

He knew without question he wanted to keep it, if it existed... he could brew a potion that ended early pregnancy, but he didn't want that. He hoped that she didn't want to end it either.

Even though it would perhaps be for the best. She was young, half his age in fact. Darling still had a year and a half to go before she graduated. He wanted her to have a good education. She'd be nearly five months pregnant by the time summer came... he wasn't sure how she'd carry. If she didn't show until around 20-25 weeks, she might be able to hide it from her class mates with loose enough robes.

The staff, of course, would have to know. Especially Madame Pomfrey. She'd also need to see a midwife...

What would she say when questioned? Would she name him as the father or keep silent? What would her parents think or do? Surely, they were loving people to have produced such a sweet and innocent daughter. To his knowledge, she was the only Fairchild daughter. She had a brother, Jonah Fairchild, who'd also been a very agreeable boy. He graduated three years ago, he recalled.

 _Bu_ _t what if they weren't accepting and they turned their only daughter out into the streets?_

He raised his hand to his forehead, sighing deeply. He would of course provide for her and his child regardless. He would even marry her gladly if she consented, although he'd never really thought of matrimony before. Severus had never really thought he'd live this long to begin with, if he was being perfectly honest.

He made a decent wage, after all. More than enough to adequately and confortably provide for a family.

His gaze flickered again to the vial of blood in his palm. He supposed that now was the moment of truth.

He uncorked it and peered into the cauldron. The pregnancy detection potion was ready, a light creamy gold that smoked slightly. He held his breath as he poured Darling's blood into the cauldron and stirred three times.

Immediately golden sparks started shooting from it. His heart seized, and he waited with baited breath for it to change color. He started to believe it was negative after a few minutes of watching for change until it very slowly changed from golden to a weak and faded brick red.

 _Pregnant_.

Severus's heart warmed and he felt a strange mixture of pride and fear but then he frowned.

The sparks never got any darker. What did _that_ mean?

The potion when positive for pregnancy was supposed to spark a very dark red, the smoke was to be opaque and not thin like this was. Perhaps she hadn't given enough blood?

The result was positive, that much he was certain about, but the color left a chilled feeling in his gut. He'd need to take her to see a midwife, or at the very least... he needed to ask Madame Pomfrey. She didn't need the details on who.

It wasn't a common occurrence, but every few years or so a student would fall pregnant. Mostly seventh and sixth years, but they'd had a fourth year who'd fallen pregnant as well.

Surely, Madame Pomfrey had to preform a number of pregnancy tests over the years. This can't be the first dubious result she'd ever seen.

It was nearly breakfast time, so he'd have to hurry to catch her in the infirmary before it was time to gather. He all but ran down the hall on his way to the hospital wing, taking the stairs two at a time and trying not to think about it.

Madame Pomfrey's eyes widened a fraction when Severus came in and he realized that he must have been showing his concern and panic on his face. He slammed the gate down over it, willing himself to be cold and impassive.

"Is there a problem, Severus?" The elderly medi-witch asked, eyeing him suspiciously from head to foot for sign of injury.

"I need to know what the result of a particular potion means." He said, ignoring her roaming gaze.

Her eyes stopped on his and she clucked her tongue. "Now Severus, you are the Potion's Master. Surely you'd know what ever it is?"

"I'm not familiar with the variances of Pregnancy Detection results." He answered, his voice and expression dead-pan and devoid of emotion.

Her brows lifted in shock. "A p-pregnancy detection potion?" She sputtered.

"Yes."

"Oh, Severus! How joyful; have you found yourself a woman?" She asked, excitement and genuine joy in her eyes.

When it was evident that he was neither going to confirm nor deny it, her happiness faded to irritation.

"Oh, alright Severus... what's it doing, something different than it's supposed to, I gather?"

He nodded his head curtly. "It took several minutes to change from gold to a weak and thin brick red. I do not know what that means."

Madame Pomfrey's face fell and her hand rose to her lips. "Oh..." she whispered sadly. Severus swallowed hard and the sinking feeling returned, but he waited patiently.

"Severus... I'm sorry. That means that there's something wrong with the pregnancy."

"Something wrong?" He echoed, keeping his face blank, fixing his gaze on the witch.

She nodded sadly, taking a step closer and reaching out as if to lay a hand on him but she dropped it.

"Yes... that means that she's going to lose the baby or is already in the process of it."

"Is there anything I can do to stop it?" He asked, a slow and profound sadness gripping him.

Tears welled in the old witch's eyes. "No, Severus. There's not. Even if there was, generally a miscarriage happens because the baby is sick... its simply not strong enough."

The words left him hallow and cold and he nodded to Madame Pomfrey. "Thank you, Poppy..." he slowly turned away from her and walked out of the room, aware that she was still watching him with tears in her eyes. He paused in the doorway.

"I would appreciate it if this stayed between us."

"Of course, Severus." She replied, her voice thick with sadness.

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Severus sat at the high table watching Darling with sad eyes. He hadn't gotten the chance to speak with her and he wasn't entirely certain of what he'd say when he did. He was surprised at how... _sad_ he felt. Knowing that the child that resided in her womb would never be born. _His_ _child._ It was strange to be so distraught over it. He'd heard of plenty of women who'd lost babies in the womb, and even after birth. It was common... and yet he couldn't shake this feeling.

What if the baby was dying because of its way of conception? What if his drugged condition had somehow tainted his sperm and that's why his child wouldn't make it?

He shook his head to clear it. That was ridiculous. Such a thing could have no effect on the viability. His logical mind whispered to him facts and notated proof of the many dangers and outcomes of pregnancy.

Darling chatted happily to her friend, Calista and he felt his heart swell. She had already made an improvement in behavior since last night. For that, he was grateful.

He looked to Professor Flitwick and decided he would ask him to teach him the birth control charm so he could teach Darling. It was simple enough, highly effective with no known side effects. It simply stopped ovulation from occurring as long as it was cast once every three months.

The best action if they were to become intimate again was to take preventative measures to avoid another pregnancy...

He mulled over why that thought made him so upset. It's not like he should _want_ to get her pregnant again. He definitely wouldn't try to on purpose.

Then it hit him... he was grieving.


	6. 6

**I own nothing of the Potter-Verse. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, as sad as it is. I've been working my butt off for you guys writing this, all of these chapters thus far since 7-19-18. lol. Show me some love by leaving a review. :) ***

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It was a Hogsmeade weekend. Darling's name was on the list to go into the village today and so he decided he would go as well.

It bothered him how deeply Darling had set herself into his mind. He always jumped at every chance he had to see her, making excuses, going out of his way... if he didn't relax someone would suspect something was going on.

Albus Dumbledor already seemed to notice the interest he was taking in Darling... He'd cleared his throat after Severus had gotten lost in a day dream while staring at her this morning at breakfast. His eyes had been smiling... but there was a warning in them, he was sure of it.

He sighed, feeling the old aggravations and hate resurface. He was happier than he'd even been, day dreaming about the girl. He knew it was wrong... but _by Merlin..._ he couldn't deny what he felt for her.

It had grown beyond lust. He wasn't sure he'd quite call it love... but it was at the very least, an intense affection. An affection that left him feeling light hearted and drunk.

Severus locked his jaw as he stood outside of the castle ready to escort another farrow of squeeling brats to the village where they'd reek havoc for a few hours.

Not long ago, Darling would have been included in that.

He could never picture himself being agitated at her now. Not even when she cried- but then again, that was usually his fault. She was timid and sweet. The type of woman that he needed to balance out the hate in him. It dissolved around her, if only because he didn't want to scare her.

The compulsion he felt to be gentle with her had at first been due to guilt, but now he was sure that it was more than that. _It had to be._

His thoughts shattered as the familiar scent of his soap wafted to him. It was his own creation, and he knew it well. The only other person who'd smell like that was _her._ He froze for a moment, not quite ready to look into those Darling green eyes. She stood next to him silently, not speaking a word until he looked down at her.

"Good afternoon, Miss Fairchild." He spoke softly, hardly moving his mouth.

"Good afternoon to you as well... Professor Snape." She said shyly, offering him a smile.

She had on a charcoal cloak with silver fastening and a matching hat that struggled to stay put over her wealth of blond curls. Her clothes were for leisure of course, a simple long sleeved pink shirt covered with a black jacket and denim pants. It was refreshing to see her in something other than her school attire... especially with the conversation they were going to have today.

There were only a few other students out yet and so he took the chance while he could.

"Meet me at Madame Puddifoot's tea shop at twelve-thirty." He told her as he swiftly walked passed her, getting onto a Gryffindor named Sean Doland for rough horseplay. He promptly removed 10 points.

She smiled.

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Darling walked into Madame Puddifoot's at exactly 12:30, her eyes immediately finding the dark professor seated at the back of the room. She'd never been in here before, and she was sure he picked it for that reason. It wasn't a place students were likely to show up.

The other students and staff would take their time at the Three Broom Sticks, sipping butter beer and eating hot soups. The younger ones would be eating themselves into a sugar coma at honey dukes or frolicking around Zonkos.

Severus had been watching the door, waiting for her to enter. Darling put on confident airs, wanting to appear older than she was in order to blend in more casually with the professor. It was common to date older men. As long as she didn't appear to be a student, there would be no trouble.

She smiled at Severus as she settled in the booth. His eyes softened and the corners of his mouth lifted, which was better than nothing. Madame Paddifoot came over quickly to take her order, only briefly glancing at Severus.

"I would like a lavender London Fog, please."

"Early grey," Severus said, never taking his eyes off Darling. "Would you like something to eat?"

"Oh, um... I've never been here before." She glanced at Madame Paddifoot.

"I enjoy the Eton Mess." He suggested.

"That sounds good." She blushed, feeling a little anxious. She never did feel comfortable ordering.

"Two Eton Messes as well, Madame Paddifoot." He said, finally looking at the woman. She winked an eye at Darling before smiling lazily at Severus.

"I'll get right on that." She said, sashaying away.

They looked at each other curiously for a few minutes, neither of them really knowing what to say.

Severus decided that he should be the one to break the silence, even though it was comfortable.

"I have some news... that may be... distressing." He said slowly, his face was guarded, reveling nothing.

Darling adverted her eyes and figited with her sleeves before looking back up into his dark eyes.

Severus took a deep breath, about to tell her when Madame Puddifoot came back with their sweets and tea. She set it down in front of them with a flourish, smiling at Darling.

"There you are, darling. Enjoy." And then she turned around to tend to an elderly man and his wife that had just come in from the cold.

Severus stiffened. "Do you know her?"

Darling laughed, blushing faintly. "Not at all, she was simply calling me darling."

This seemed to relax him, but as he relaxed a darkness fell over his face. "Darling... you're pregnant," he said softly, measuring the shock in her eyes. "but there's something wrong. You... _we_ are going to loose the baby. I need you to be prepared for that."

The shock in her eyes turned to horror and disbelief, and to his expectation, her eyes filled with tears.

"But, why?" she said quietly, her voice strained as she fought to keep her emotions from making a spectacle. Severus slid his hand over the table and she took it, her shoulders trembling and her gaze on her lap.

"I don't know why... but there's _nothing_ either of us have done that could hurt it. Sometimes this happens... many women will experience this."

She shook her head violently and tears spattered the back of his hand.

"No..." she said a adamantly. "I'm... I'm not showing any signs of miscarriage. I'm not bleeding or cramping or... or..." she trailed off, falling into silence.

"I am... very upset over it to." He admitted, his voice cracking slightly. She looked up at him and her lip quivered.

"I would love the baby." She stated, the hurt in her eyes he felt in his heart. He nodded.

"I would have, too." A mistiness came into his eyes and he cleared his throat, lifting his tea and sipping. Darling mimicked him, then stared into her cup as though it could tell her the future. She'd never been particularly good at reading tea leaves though.

They ate their Eton Messes in quiet contemplation, allowing them time to process it. When they were finished, Severus paid and they left.

A fresh powder of snow had fallen, and lazy flurries still came down as they walked. There was still plenty of time to wander about. She didn't feel like wandering though. She saw a new mother with her child who wailed when a gust suddenly blew in his face.

She'd have that one day... but not this time. She didn't know why it was so hard for her to accept. She'd only just learned of the baby's existence, after all. She wasn't far along. About four and a half weeks, judging by her last cycle. Severus walked slightly ahead of her, just far enough to appear as though they weren't walking together.

Before she knew it, they were back to the castle. She followed him into the Potion's room where he promptly locked the door and came to her side. He hesitated just a moment before pulling her to him, pressing his lips to her forehead and stroking her hair.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered into her curls. And he was. He truly was. In an odd sort of way, he was excited by the prospect of fatherhood. A taste of love and family...

"Me too." She said, breathing out shakily. "May I make myself a dreamless sleep potion? I'd... I'd really just like to go to sleep now."

"There's one that you can have. I'll make another to replace it."

"Thank you."


	7. 7

***Disclaimer: We all know I don't own the Potter-Verse and that Darling is not a character in JK's works. I apologize for this being a very short chapter***

 ***A special note to _MidnightLilly_ you are correct. This occurs one year before Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts**.*

 **Thank you for reviewing, _Otherworld81._** **I know... it's quite sad... they're both in for a lot of heartache...***

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Severus hadn't seen or heard from Darling since she'd gone back to her dormitory. He finished the Dreamless Sleep Potion that he'd made to replace the one Darling took mechanically, practically without a second thought. All too soon it was done and there was nothing left to occupy his mind and keep them from tormented thoughts. Thoughts of one 16 year old girl who at this very moment carried his child.

 _A very sick child who was unlikely to make it._

He pressed his palm into his eye, feeling the unfamiliar burn behind it. It'd been a long time, but now he realized it was the stinging of tears.

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He expected to see her at dinner, but she hadn't come. Not that he blamed her. He found that he was rather put off from his meal as well. There was too much occupying his mind. He ground his teeth together in quiet contemplation as he stared at her empty seat next to the Rayner girl, who evidently did not wonder where her companion had gone.

"Are you alright, Severus?" Minerva McGonagall asked, her brow furrowed with concern. He tore his distracted gaze away from the Hufflepuff table and stared impassively at the Gryffindor head of house.

"I'm quite well." He answered, adding a hint of reproach to his tone.

"Very well then, Severus. Go back to your brooding." She sighed in agitation.

He said nothing as he rose from his chair and left to go back to his dungeon. Minerva glanced at his plate, noting that he'd scarcely done more than mix it's contents around with his fork.

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Darling opened her eyes, confused at first. It was dark in the room, only slivers of wintry moonlight cast any illumination into the room.

She glanced towards Calista's bed, and sure enough the girl was already asleep. Darling hadn't meant to sleep _all_ day. She chewed her bottom lip. A hot cramping in her stomach had woken her, and she held a hand over it.

 _This must be it_... she thought sadly, but the cramping only continued for a few minutes and as far as she could tell there was no bleeding.

After taking a few deep breaths, she calmed. She wished she could go to Severus. Darling still felt conflicted when she thought of him, but he'd been so kind and patient with her since the... _incident._ She wasn't filled with panic when he reached for her anymore... but sometimes she still had dreams. They'd left her very confused, somewhere between horrified and aroused, but definitely ashamed.

With a hot blush, she remembered coming into his office and seeing the candles and tea upon his table. The lovemaking that followed... she wished he could have held her after, but of course... if anyone had known she'd been in his private chamber it would be unseemly. She doubted her head of house would believe that she'd gone willingly and had even insisted.

Darling got out of bed quietly, making sure not to disturb the other girls and she slipped out into the Commons. She lowered herself into one of the comfy wing backed chairs in front of the fireplace and watched the flames, thinking about the events that let to this point.

Part of her hoped that the child would make it, but Severus seemed certain that it wouldn't and that there wasn't anything to be done about it.

She tried to think that it was better this way. Her parents would be very angry... her father especially. A shudder ran through her at that thought, but she refused to think about it.

"Darling?" A sleepy voice called. She turned to see Calista coming into the Commons, rubbing her tired eyes.

"It's me," she said, "why are you up, did I wake you?"

The other girl shook her head, the thin braids swaying distractingly, small beads glinting. She came over to where Darling sat, resting her hand on the back of the chair and looking down at the other girl.

"No... but are you okay?"

Darling tried to smile, but tears slipped down her cheeks instead and she started crying. Calista immediately wrapped her arms around her, leaning over the back of the chair. "Oh my gosh... what's going on?" She said, trying to console her by swaying back and forth with her. Darling just shook her head. Calista was her best friend, but there was _no way_ she could tell her what's been happening.

She didn't know how long she'd been crying, but when Calista let go of her and they made their way back into to their room the sky was just begining to lighten. Calista hadn't asked again, but Darling knew that she was worried and really wanted to know what was happening. She was a good friend and it made her feel guilty for not telling her the truth.

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Severus lingered over the shoulders of Miss Rayner and Darling, both of which were huddled over their cauldrons and working on a moderately complicated potion for 6th years, the Draught of Peace.

Darling, he knew, was well aware of his presence behind her but showed no sign of noticing. He stepped away quietly, his robes a dark cloud behind him as he checked on the other students. Jule Abbot was looking at Darling, as usual. He felt a sudden jealousy, something that reared its ugly head and opened a mouth full of fanged teeth.

 _If not for me, Jule would have been an excellent choice._

He hated the idea of another man- even one with as outstanding of character as Jule- to ever be with Darling the way he had been. Even if he didn't deserve her...

At a warning glare, Jule tore his eyes away from Darling with a blush and worked diligently on his Draught of Peace.

He watched Jule stir his potion and add ingredients in exactly the right order, his timing and rythem was perfect. It made him hate the boy even more.

He still wasn't sure of what was happening, he wasn't sure of their... relationship nor if there even _was one,_ and he definitely wasn't sure where they'd go from here...

Jule looked up at him, pale faced. The movement made Severus realize that he'd been glowering down on the boy. He walked away stiffly and came to rest infront of his desk, his arms folded over his chest and his dark eyes narrowed, searching for mistakes or mischief amongst his class. Unfortunately, everyone seemed to be on their best behavior.

Pity.


	8. 8

**Thank you all for reading Snape and Darling's story thus far. I hope you're enjoying it!** P.S. I'm getting fed up with this randomly deleting my scene break stars... so I'm switching to X*

Severus breathed in the cold December air, letting it's biting chill refresh him and clear away any lingering fog inside his disquieted mind. He had thought long and hard in his room last night, and after having not spoken to Darling in a week, he decided he'd be the one to break the silence. The students and a few teachers would be leaving Hogwarts tomorrow for their holiday back home.

He expected Darling would go home as well, as he hadn't seen her name on the lists of students who were staying this year. He apparated from Hogsmeade to Diagon ally, in search of a gift for Darling as a Christmas present. He didn't care if she gave him anything in return. Truthfully, he was not the kind of man who would normally bestow tokens of affection... but he wanted to give her something. He wanted her to be able to look at it and be reminded of him, whatever path of life she chose.

He browsed around several small shops, looking for something that he thought she'd like. He gravitated to the jewelery. Women liked jewelery, didn't they? He wasn't looking for trinkets or toys. He didn't think that clothing would be an acceptable gift, so jewelry it was.

An elderly wizard with a bald head and shaven face smiled at him knowingly over the tops of his spectacles while he was browsing the display cases.

"Are you lookin' fer sumthing in perticlur?" He asked around his pipe, Severus looked at him wearily. He took his measure up and down, deciding that a man of his age would have courted at least one woman successfully in his lifetime.

"If you were to give a woman that you had... affections for... a gift, what would you choose?"

"Ahh hoho..." he cackled, milky blue eyes twinkling. "yer in the right place, young man." He came around the counter and browsed the display with him before unlocking it and pulling out something Severus couldn't see.

The man turned, holding it out to him. "See whatcha think of that!"

He took the red velvet box into his hands, it was small and danty. He knew it must have been a ring box. He cleared his throat, looking at the elderly shop keeper. "A ring may be... too advanced for this stage of our relationship." He clarified. The man shrugged, reaching out a hand to take it back but Severus opened it anyway and looked.

It was definitely an engagement ring, and it had a wedding band to match. A lump rose in his throat, and he wasn't entirely sure wether it was a good or bad thing. It was gold, with a marquise cut diamond in the center with two small roses with smaller diamonds beside it. It was beautiful, and something he'd love to see on Darling. He closed it, but still didn't hand it back.

"I will purchase this to save for potential future use..." he said, clearing his throat. He wasn't used to being so nervous. It was just a ring. "but I'll also need something appropriate for this tier now."

The man cracked a smile, removing the pipe from between his withered lips. "Where exactly are you in terms of... relationship?"

"I'm... unsure. There's not actually been one... established."

"A necklace then, would be best. Perhaps a bracelet..." he muttered, browsing the shelf before plucking a long and open box from it. He showed it to Severus, eyes expectant. "What about this?"

Severus peered at it, the chain was braided silver with small highly polished emeralds and slightly larger onyx. The pendant hanging at the bottom was a silver locket with a glass face. It was in the shape of a heart. He pictured it around Darling's neck and smiled. It would look perfect, and he knew just what to put in the locket.

"I'll take it."

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Severus wrapped his present with care, stowing the ring box and the gift in his cabinet. Part of him wanted to give the necklace to her now, but he supposed he'd wait until Christmas. There was no reason to be pushy. He was a patient man. He knew how to wait.

It was at that exact moment that a shrill chime echoed through the room and he turned to the wall with annoyance. Why was it that people were always bothering him? He sighed. Perhaps one of his Slytherin's had gotten in trouble. He quickly lifted the wards and stepped out into his office and froze.

 _Darling._ His heart squeezed at the sight of familiar golden curls and her small, delicate frame. His eyebrows furrowed, a delicate frame that was trembling uncontrollably.

He was by her side in a second and had her face in his hands, looking into her eyes. "What's wrong?"

Darling's eyes were full of tears and her face was pinched in agony. "It... it's starting."

The lines on his forehead deepened into confusion and then it was as though all of the air had been sucked from his lungs. He clenched his teeth hard, not caring if they cracked as he realized what she meant.

 _The baby. They were losing the baby._

He felt hollow at the news. "Are you sure?" He asked softly, pulling her into his arms and leaning down to bury his face in her hair.

She continued to tremble and sob against him. "I started bleeding." Her voice was very small and weak. He shut his eyes hard against the pain. _It's common. It happens all the time_. He thought, a mantra of sorts to keep the pain from completely crushing him. He never thought it'd happen to him though. _No one ever does._

"I can't go home like this!" She sobbed into his robes, flinching in pain that he knew was from miscarrying. His arms tightened around her. He wanted to tell her how sorry he really was. He wanted her to know that he felt the same pain-not physical of course, but emotional. He scooped her up in his arms and took her to his room and laid her down on the bed.

He climbed in next to her, pulling her to him and breathing in her scent. She curled into a ball her arms clasped tightly around him. He rocked her with her body, doing his best to be soothing all though he'd never really comforted anyone but Lilly before Darling.

The thought was like a hot knife in his stomach and he snarled to himself. An intense rage filling him.

 _How dare you think of Lilly now?_

It made him so angry that he began to shake as well. _How dare he think of Lilly Ev- Potter now as he held onto this woman? This girl who shook and cried in his arms with pain and grief from losing their baby!_ It was traitorous and wrong. He'd loved Lilly. He'd loved her so much that he'd damn near been suicidal over her death, but this was the present. Darling was the one lying with him, the one bleeding and in pain. Another emotional scar that he'd inflicted...

 _Darling wasn't Lilly._ She never would be, and she shared nothing in common with her. She was Darling.

 _His Darling._ The possessiveness he felt over her filled him, one thought above all others echoing in his mind.

He loved Darling. He loved her more than anything in the world, past or present and if he could see into the future... he expected that she'd still be the person he loved the most.

Lilly was _dead_ and most of all, she was never his to love.

Darling could be- she _was._ He would try to build her love. He wanted her love. He needed it.

They held each other in the dimness of his room and Severus didn't even care that they might be found out. She needed him now.

After a few moments Darling had to get up, the bleeding had gotten worse and the pain more severe. Severus gave her a pain-killing draught, but it hardly seem to touch it.

He cast a sound dampening charm on the room for extra measure as her cries turned to gutteral screaming. _Sounds of pain and rage._

He removed her clothing and his own and carried her into the shower, turning on the hot water while cradling her to his chest. He stepped in and lowered them both to the floor gently, allowing the water to cover them both.

The heat seemed to help soothe Darling, and he wanted _so much_ for her to have any comfort she could. The water ran red and he closed his eyes so he didn't have to see.

Thankfully, she was still early... the bleeding and pain would only last for a few hours to around three days and then it would be over. A tear escaped, mixing with the hot water that beat down on them.

"I'm sorry, Severus..." she sniffled, her voice hoarse from screaming. He pressed a kiss to her temple and continued to rock her.

"Don't. You've done nothing wrong."

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They'd spent most of the night in the shower together, off and on. She'd brought a bag with her that thankfully held enough feminine products to get through the rest of the night, all though Severus had to rouse her every few hours to change. Sleep was the only strong enough pain killer right now, and she was _exhausted._ He on the other hand was wide awake despite being awake for over twenty four hours.

This was all his fault and there was nothing he could do but hold her.

She was too young for this. Too young for _him_. She always had been, but he'd taken her anyway and now this was the penance. Her young body evidently couldn't handle a pregnacy due to all the stress and horror he'd put her through.

How could she ever love him now?

He captured her lips silently, gently. His hand caressing her face. She kissed back and then he pulled away to rest his forehead against hers.

"I'm going to write you down on the list and send an owl to your parents so they know not to expect you." He said, she nodded but clutched him tighter as he withdrew. He disentangled her hands from his shirt front and kissed them. "I'll be right back."


	9. 9

**Disclaimer, I do not own Harry Potter. Last chapter was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, I'm sorry. :( It will lighten up gradually within the next few chapters. I have also had early and second trimester losses (6 weeks and 16 weeks) due to an autoimmune disease that I have that wasn't controlled. I've since gone on to have a daughter and I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant after two years of trying again. In a weird way, my writing us very personal and I don't generally write about sensitive topics if I've not had first hand experience.***

 **Special note to _OtherWorlder81,_ I'm glad you came back to review again. I know... it's so heart breaking. I'm very sorry that you've had to experience this as well. :( I tried to think of a way to save the baby in my heart break, but I couldn't think of a good enough reason other than Rhogam and I'm not sure if they'd use/know about muggle medicine. I also couldn't think of a convincing magical potion that would do the same, considering Rhogam was made from one man's blood that had special properties... I hope you continue reading! It will get better.***

 **To _Waterlilly101,_ Thank you for taking the time to review! It makes me really excited to hear that I've successfully made you care and get invested into the story. It means a lot to me to know that it's drawing people in! Writing is half therapy, half practice for me. :)***

 ***Special note to _BiGDeal,_ don't worry, Moldy Voldy and his crew of nasties will be along shortly to ruin Severus's day, when the time line matches with Harry coming to Hogwarts during the second book, (Darling's 7th year) I shan't leave him out.***

 **As you all have probably noticed, I usually update daily, sometimes multiple times a day, so stay with me and check back periodically for your Snape x Darling fix!**

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Darling was listless and tired, the cramping had finally lessened but she still bled. Her dreams were dark and sad, dreams of a small child that she'd never hold now. She balled her fists up and pressed them against the side of her head. She was so _tired_ of crying all the time. Her world had been taken and turned upside down.

She felt to much right now. Too much pain, too much grief... how could she handle all of this when she already felt like she was going to burst?

Severus came back to the room as quickly as he could, and Darling welcomed him back with open arms. She wasn't crying now. She couldn't seem too, no matter how much she wanted to. Severus gazed down at her with his face, blank as usual, but his eyes held unfathomable pain. She held onto that. He _cared_. He cared that the baby was gone.

After breathing in his unique scent, inhaling him over and over in the dark letting it soothe her, she asked him something that she probably shouldn't have.

"Do you love me?""

His hand stilled in her hair, his body stiff and tense. She held her breath. She shouldn't have said _anything_. Now everything was ruined. Anxious thoughts chased her in the silence, her heart pounding...

"I'm so-" she began but was cut off abruptly by the gentle pressure of his mouth against hers. He kissed her sweetly pressing her body against his. After several moments he pulled away, his face inches from hers and his dark eyes burning into hers.

"Darling... I _do_. I do love you, very much."

Relief poured through her and she attempted to smile but her lip quivered and then she was balling again.

 _He loves me._

"Please don't cry anymore, Darling. Everything is going to be okay. _I'm here_..." he held her tighter and she calmed and took a shaking breath. He lifted her chin, his eyes boring into hers... "do you love me?"

 _Do I?_ She asked herself, but another voice inside answered, _of course you do._ Darling smiled, her heart feeling lighter and filling with the feelings she had been suppressing in her grief and confusion.

"I love you very much, Severus Snape." She whispered.


	10. 10

**I do not own anything in the Potter-Verse. I love all of the reviews so please keep them coming! They keep me motivated to work on this story**.*

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Severus had never heard a more precious sentance in his life. He sucked in his breath. _She loves me._ It was a dream.

 _It had to_ _be._ Didn't it?

The way she said his name was a spell, in and of itself. Her sweet voice, blonde curls, and big green eyes made him feel drunk as he looked down at her. She was a blinding light after the darkness of his life, and no matter how much it hurt to look at her, he _never_ wanted to live without her sunshine again.

"I promise, I will love you forever. I will care for you, provide for you, and do all I can to insure your health and happiness." He spoke softly into her ear, arms wrapped around her. She relaxed against him after a moment and he could feel her heart beating hard against his; like a bird beneath her breast.

"How are we going to be together?" She asked, troubled. "Surely if we continue on like this... we'll get caught. What will happen then?"

He clenched his jaw, looking away from her. "I don't know, Darling." Severus admitted quietly. Dumbledor would not be happy, that's for certain... but he wasn't sure if he'd actually _do_ anything other than voice his displeasure. He'd known the man for more than half of his life, but there was always a grey area where his reactions were concerned.

"Should we wait?" She bit her lip, turning her concerned eyes on him.

"It would be for the best... but I have to admit that I may find that... _difficult._ " He didn't want to go into detail how deeply she affected him or how pure his love ran. He'd wait until his dying day, if it ensured that she'd be his. Not that he particularly _wanted_ to wait that long, but she was only 16, and a 6th year at that. It would be best to wait for her to graduate and then there'd be no consequences for their relationship.

"Would you wait for me?" She asked and he chuckled. It wasn't a humorous sound. It was sad, desperate, and lonely.

"I'd wait forever to be with you."

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After another pain killing draught and more time spent together in the shower, Severus was fairly certain the worst was over. Her bleeding had slowed, although her mood did not improve. She was grieving, and he understood.

"Do you think... _our_... baby would have been a boy or girl?" She asked sometime later. They sat at the small table in his office and drank mugs of hot tea to ward off the cold dungeon air. It was always cold down here, not that it'd ever particularly bothered him. He'd added warming charms to the walls to make Darling more comfortable, but the stones were still cold and they burned away quickly.

His heart glowed at her referring to it as their baby, but at the same time recoiled from the question. He really didn't want to talk about it but Darling seemed to need closure and to work it out by speaking. He'd never been vocal about his feelings, but Darling could get him to do almost anything.

"A girl, I'd think." He said thoughtfully, sipping his tea. The image of a small girl with blonde curls and sage eyes, just like Darling.

She smiled sadly. "Why do you think it'd have been a girl?"

Her voice pulled him out of the thought and his tired eyes focused on her. "I'm an older man, and there is speculation that older men tend to produce daughters more often than sons due to a decrease in testosterone."

He hadn't expected it, but she laughed. He looked at her dumbfounded. _Did I say something funny?_

Darling covered her mouth with a hand and tried to contain herself. "I'm sorry... I should have expected a technical answer."

He relaxed and felt a small smile spread over his face as well.

"Can we give her a name? I know she was never born... but-"

"If you wish." He said, cutting her off softly. He didn't want to forget about it, but this hurt more than he thought it would. He had to be strong for her though. Everyone deserved a name, after all.

She chewed on the inside of her lip, cupping her hands around her tea to keep them warm. Her eyes were on a spot on the table that may or may not have been there.

"I like the name Willow."

"Willow is a nice name," he nodded. "what's your middle name."

She smiled, looking up at his shyly. "It's Marie... Darling Marie Fairchild."

"Willow Marie would suit our child just fine..." he said, reaching across the table to hold her hand. She let go of the mug and they held onto one another.

"Willow Marie Snape." She said softly, testing it out. Tears pricked in his eyes at the sound of his last name, at the idea of his daughter, out of grief. Darling apparently noticed because she gasped softly and came to his side to hold him.

He was ashamed for crying in front of her and he felt the anger trying to escape. He put a hand over his face and shut his eyes tightly, biting his tongue and willing himself to stay in control. He didn't want to send her away. He wanted her comfort. Her love. He felt taut like a wire, ready to snap and it wouldn't be a good thing to do in her presance at the moment.

"I'll be fine in just a moment." He said, his voice thick. "Please, leave me for now. I do not wish for you to see me like this."

Darling held on a moment longer before pulling away, her hands hesitant to leave his shoulders. She leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before she left his office.

Severus couldn't even look at her as he left, he sat frozen until he heard the door shut, and then he finally allowed himself to shatter.

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Severus had gone to his personal study to brew. Potions always made him feel better, or at the very least... it took his mind off of things. It may have seemed like a pathetic way to cope, but it was the least destructive and he felt useful. Darling hadn't returned, no doubt waiting for him to approach her when he felt better. Dinner would be served soon. He'd asked the house elves to bring Breakfast and Lunch to his chambers for himself and Darling, but they'd scarcely more than picked at it.

Strangely enough, talking to Darling about the bavy- Willow- had made him feel much better than he'd thought. He felt like he could finally accept it. He could keep her in his heart forever, and no one could ever take it away from him.

He stepped away from his work after making sure it'd be fine for the next few hours and he left the dungeon to go to the great hall for dinner.

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Darling had never stayed at Hogwarts over a break, and she was surprised to see how differently the staff acted. Instead of sitting at her respective house table and the staff at the high table, they all came together at one.

Severus was already there, looking uncomfortable but his eyes sparked when he saw her. He shut it down just as fast, however. It left a pang in her gut, but she knew he couldnt treat her as he did in private.

Head Master Dumbledor looked up at her and smiled. "Ah, our very own Miss Fairchild. Come! Come sit next to Professor Snape."

Darling froze, eyes wide. "Um... " she glanced at Severus who now made a show of glowering at her maliciously. She knew it wasn't real, but it still made her nervous. "I don't think S- Professor Snape would enjoy that." She mentally slapped herself for her near mistake. The Head Master watched her carefully, eyes knowing but he didn't comment. He turned and smiled at Severus, who still glowered.

"Nonsense. He'd be delighted. Come sit."

She knew it wasn't a suggestion. It was an order. Did he know? What did he know? Was he angry? The anxiety kept her routed to the spot.

" _Miss Fairchild!_ " Severus spat. She flinched away from the sound, breaking out of the spell she'd been under. "If you could be so considerate as to sit down, we may all enjoy our dinner."

She came forward obediently and sank down into the chair beside him, folding her hands in her lap and lowering her gaze on them. She could feel the stares of the other staff, some pitying, some angry at Severus, and some simply confused.

"Now Severus, there is _no reason_ to take your poor mood out on this girl." Professor McGonagall chastised.

"I was not aware that Darling had been resorted into Gryffindor, Minerva, or has Pomona resigned and you've taken over as Hufflepuff head of house as well?" He countered.

Professor McGonagall stiffened. "I may not be her head of house, but I can stick up for any student when they're being bullied and terrified for no reason."

"I'm fine, really." Darling said, unable to keep herself from rising to his defense. "Please, don't fight. I know how Professor Snape is. I know he doesn't really mean anything by it... it's just how he is."

Professor McGonagall's surprised look made her self conscious, but Severus said nothing, looking just as surprised.

"Indeed... the holidays are a rough time for anyone. There won't be any more squabbling at the dinner table now, however. Let's eat." The Head Master said and the food appeared. She glanced at him and he looked rather satisfied... she got the sudden feeling that she'd been tested... and it would appear she didn't pass. It was an awkward meal, and Darling's stomach still hurt but she forced herself to eat at Severus's harsh bark.

"If you continue to feed yourself so poorly, I'm sure that you will blow away in the wind or crumple in on yourself. No need to worry about your womanly figure when you eat like a mouse."

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Severus was relieved when dinner was finally over. It was hard to treat her like that. Fortunately he had discovered that only three other students had stayed for the holiday, two first year Gryffindor girls- Rachel and Catherine Wisner-and a fourth year Ravenclaw boy who's name he could not pull from memory.

He was relieved that none of Hufflepuff house had stayed. Neither had Pomona. That meant he could potentially see Darling nearly as much as he liked over the break.

The idea was thrilling. Their first Christmas together...

He thought of the ring box, safely hidden in his cabinet but dismissed it. It wasn't time for that, and it wasn't as though she could go through the rest of 6th and 7th year wearing an engagement ring without notice. No. He'd give her the locket for Christmas and if all went well... maybe one day they would marry. If she even wanted him, by then.

His thoughts shattered at the sound of a knock on the classroom door. He all but ran to answer it, out of breath with happiness when he opened it and Darling stood there. She smiled, shifting slightly from foot to foot.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

He ushered her in quickly and shut the door. He'd been in the middle of brewing an experimental potion that was thought to reduce the amount of pain a person could feel overall and minimize blood loss, something that could be useful for Aurors if it was done right. Not to mention... himself.

"I'm brewing a potion... I've come up with a theoretical formula that could produce a nerve deadening potion that could allow Aurors to resist pain while being tortured for information." He was already leaning over it again, adding more powdered moonstone and dried and crushed poppy petals.

"Severus, that's amazing!" She said, coming closer. He listed a cautionary hand to signal for her to move back.

"I do not know how this potion will behave at any given moment. I don't want you to be near it." He said.

She nodded and took another step back. "Would you like me to come back later?" She asked.

Severus tore his eyes away from the potion to look at her. "I would like you to stay, if you wanted. You could help me if you cared to by taking these to a different table and cutting them. I also have a different potion, just a common warming draught simmering in my study. It needs stirring, three times counter clockwise and twice clockwise, exactly 30 seconds after stirring, pour half a teaspoon of powdered dandilion root into it and turn off the heat."

Darling beamed radiantly at him and his heart jumped. "Which do you need first?"

"The warming draught," he replied, his attention back on the tricky potion in front of him, the hint of a smile twitching onto his face and love in his eyes. "if you could, Darling."

"I'll get right to it, my love." She said cheerfully, turning on her heel and going into the study.

Severus paused, struck. He eyed the potion for a second before turning away to grab her, pulling her back flush against her front and lifting her chin with his hand to kiss her, his other arm around her waist. She kissed him back immediately, surprised but not resisting. He released her lips and buried his face in her golden curls, inhaling her honey and wild flower scent. She smelled like spring.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made him jump away as though he'd been burned. He turned wide eyes to the doorway, where a familiar figure stood.

Albus Dumbledor.


	11. 11

***Everyone knows the Potter-Verse isn't my creation. I hope you guys are as hopelessly and madly in love with my daydream as I am.*** ***To _OtherWorlder81,_ Severus definitely needs happiness... the poor man. :(*** ***To _JadeDoeAl_ _ways_ , I'm glad that you're still following this story! Please continue to enjoy. :)***

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Severus paled. He could feel his happiness being ripped away like the wings from a bird, drained from him just by the Head Master's presance in his classroom. He knew he had seen his display without a doubt, he had seen him running to Darling and pulling her into him. His mouth against hers. He knew what it must have looked like through his eyes.

An older man, a teacher, taking advantage of a young female student. After all... isn't that what he'd done?

The two men regarded each other for a silent moment, Dumbledor's face never changed.

Darling shrunk next to him, her face burning hot. She reached both hands up to cover her mouth.

"You should have locked the door, Severus." He said quietly, a humorless smile on his face. His eyes were hard and he clasped his hands behind him.

Severus knew he was in horrendous, disastrous trouble but his mind flitted to the potion that he was currently brewing.

"Head Master, I understand but at this moment I have a potion brewing that requires supervision... it would be far better to have the conversation here at this point." Severus said, he had recovered from shock and he stood tall. The worst Dumbledor could do is fire him, and perhaps tell Darling's parents.

Albus straightened and nodded his head, waving two chairs in front of Severus's desk. He sat down behind it, his face reveiling nothing of his thoughts. Only his hard blue eyes piercing into his.

Darling reached for Severus's hand, and realizing that they'd already been had, he took it in his. Albus said nothing about it, but glanced at their clasped hands in interest.

They settled down in front of him and another awkward silence resumed until Darling spoke.

"I'm sorry Head Master-" she began, but he raised a hand to stop her and looked to Severus.

"How long has this been going on?" He demanded, his blue eyes daring Severus to lie to him.

"Since the night of November 4th." He replied, having the date branded into him by his guilt.

He nodded. "Darling had her first detention with you that day, did she not?" He looked at her for confirmation and Darling swallowed hard.

"Yes, Sir."

"I would like to hear this story, of how this came to happen. From you, Darling." He said, turning his sole attention to her. She froze. Severus clenched his teeth together, knowing what it had been from her side.

"Well... I... I came to clean up the mess I had made earlier that day. I knocked my inkwell over and it spread all over the tables and floor." She darted her eyes towards Severus, her heart hammering so loud he could practically hear it. "Sev- Professor Snape had taken a new potion he'd bought prior to my arrival and he'd drank a small amount of alcohol. The potion reacted to it and he was behaving uncharacteristically... he was laying there with his eyes shut, moaning and rocking his head from side to side. I called to him a couple of times but he said nothing, so I went to him and I touched his hand... and then he kissed me."

"Go on." Dumbledor said, his fingers steepled in thought.

Darling sucked in a deep breath and Severus held his.

"And then we had sex." She said, looking at her hands, her face burning in shame.

"Professor Snape had sex with you during your detention?" He asked in shock, his eyes flickering to Snape's. Evidently, he hadn't thought it had gone that far.

Tears threatened to fall from Darling's eyes. "Yes, Sir..." she sniffled. "he wasn't in his right mind at the time."

"Did he force himself on you or make threats against you?" He asked, hints of anger bleeding through his calm demeanor.

Severus shut his eyes. This was it. His career was over, him and Darling's relationship was over. It was done.

"No, Sir..." Said Darling, her tone confident. "I encouraged him to continue. If anything, I'm the one who took advantage of his intoxicated state. He was horrified afterwards and wanted to come to you, but I told him that he'd loose his job and that I wouldn't say anything."

Dumbledor looked between the two of them, not convinced, but he finally accepted it.

"So, you two have developed... mutual feelings for each other, I gather?"

"I love her." Severus said, his eyes flashing, daring Dumbledor to do something- _anything-_ about it.

The old wizard in question leaned back in his chair and regarded the couple thoughtfully. "As you know, there is no rule at Hogwarts that states a student and teacher can not enter into a relationship with one another... I wish to strongly discourage this... but I can also see that you both will suffer greatly. If you love each other, as you both suggest... show more... _restraint_ , in the future. I do not have to tell you to keep this secret. If you meet, meet in secret and do not allow yourselves to be caught again, by _anyone_ , including myself."

"I understand." Severus said, breathing a long held breath and sighing. Albus nodded, a small smile finally jerking his mouth up.

"Love is a beautiful thing, Severus, but it often blinds and sometimes it is unkind to lovers."


	12. 12

**Thank you all for your continued support and enjoyment of _Mistakes and Misgivings_. I hope that you all are becoming more comfortable with my slightly out of character representation of our favorite surly potion's master. Darling will stop crying all the time very soon, and in awhile after they both recover from their emotional blows... I will give you lemons GALORE.** **I mean, what? Eh hem.. oh, I also do not own the Potter-Verse, not that I have to tell you that. :)***

 ***Special notes to my repeat reviewers, _JadeDoeAlways and MidnightLilly101,_ I do so appreciate that you both are following this story. I agree with MidnightLilly101 that Dumbledor is a very manipulative man, but I believe at his heart he strives to do good. To JadeDoeAlways, yes... he really doesn't like it that this is happening, but he's allowing it... for now. dun dun _dunnnnnn_... stay tuned, my lovelies!***

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Albus left the room shortly after their talk, saying nothing more and pretending to have no knowledge of their relationship. Severus didn't move for several minutes after his departure. His silky hair hung like a dark curtain around his face as he leaned forward, his forehead resting in his palm.

"Severus..." Darling called softly, hesitating next to him, "is everything going to be okay?"

He let out a deep sigh and looked up at her tiredly. She was struck at how exhausted he truly looked. He seemed paler than usual and he had dark circles under his eyes...

 _That's right..._ she recalled as she cramped slightly. He had been up with her all night long. He'd yet to have slept...

"I suppose for now, we continue as we have... though with more caution. Perhaps we can meet weekly..." He rubbed his forehead before getting up to peer into his cauldron. He nodded to himself over it, remembering that they'd been interrupted.

"I... I have to get back to this potion." He sighed, realizing that Darling had never gotten the chance to stir the warming draft or chop the fluxweed scrupels. He picked up the linen bag containing them and set them down on top of the table. Machanically, he pulled out a knife to chop them. Darling's small hand covered his and he looked up, his face devoid of emotion.

"I'll do it." She whispered, taking the bag and knife from him. He let it go without protest but otherwise didn't acknowledge her. He felt a stirring inside. A deep roaring beast of anger and fury.

 _He had to contain it._

 _Darling couldn't see._

He was grateful when she went to his study to complete the warming draft. His mind had once again become the darkened prison it'd been for years. His own private Azkaban where the Dementors of his own inner demons tormented him and sucked the life and happiness out of him, leaving him cold and bereft.

He hadn't so much as tasted happiness for so long, and now it was here. Rising before his very eyes like a ghostly apparition in the form of a silly little girl. A little girl who was a student that he had assulted.

But she wasn't silly. Nothing about this situation or the feelings he felt were silly, at least not to him. He truly loved her.

She was probably so confused, not understand these feelings. He'd been her first, after all. At first she'd shrank from him and been afraid and now... and now she was defending his actions to the head master. Why did she say those things? Why had she said that she was the one who encouraged him when his memory did not lie to him now that he was unclouded from the influence of toxicity? The sound of her muffled protests and her squirming body...

She _had_ fought him and he ignored it in his lust.

He could see it clearly, he crushed her against him while she pushed and squirmed... her fingers digging helplessly into his arms as he held her down after forcing her thighs apart. The frightened and agonized look on her face when he'd ripped apart her innocence in a beast like passion, uncaring and unknowing if wether she consented. The bone chilling realization of what he'd done... only after he had finished.

All of this was his fault.

His job as a teacher was to protect his students and teach them how to navigate life. _Not to rape them into a confusion, impregnate them, and cause them so much stress that they miscarried._

But he loved her. He'd been doing his best to make things right-

 _Isn't love doing what's best for those you love?_ His voice of reason questioned him, regarding him with obsidian eyes that glittered in the darkness. _Have you thought about what would be best for Darling?_

 _Of course I have!_ He snarled back to himself and the figure retreated, his lips pursed and eyebrow cocked, calling one last question softly over his shoulder.

 _Have you really?_

He shut down, banishing these thoughts and feelings. They did him no good, after all. He had to focus on this potion.

He finally settled into the numbed disconnection of weighing and adding ingredients, stirring, thickening, rapidly heating and cooling when the object of his unease entered the room, a small glass jar of thinly sliced fluxweed in her hand. She set it on the table next to him and waited.

He felt his guilt and unease growing, and as usual... anger. He wasn't angry at her. He was angry at himself for lacking self control. Darling did _nothing_ wrong.

Hell... the worst thing he'd ever seen or heard her do was lie to the head master by saying he _didn't_ rape her. He wanted to be punished for it, he realized.

They waited in silence together as the potion began to take on a silver hue. He quickly measured out two tablespoons of cut fluxweed and sprinkled it, enchanting his stirring rod to stir for him as he coated the top of the potion.

This part had to be done just right. It started smoking slightly, just puffs of silver vapor as it turned from silver to a deep steel grey.

"Step back." He ordered sharply. Darling jumped in shock, flinching from the harsh sound but she did as she was told. When he was satisfied with her distance he added the last ingredients. Red fosferous and six crushed and powdered blood stones, mixed completely and reground into a sand like consistency.

He held his breath as he added it to the mix, alert to any signs that he'd misbrewed it, because it would explode if he had.

After watching it for several moment to be sure it wouldn't combust, he breathed out in relief and turned down the burner to simmer it for another half hour and then it'd be complete. He turned away from the table and watched her. She seemed... fine... but now he wondered how deep he'd actually traumatised her.

"I love you." He said, watching her face closely.

Her eyes lit up and color rose in her cheeks immediately. "I love you too, Severus."

"Are you sure?" He asked, stalking towards her. She shrank away from him slowly, his demeanor making her nervous. His eyes were hard with edges that seemed to slowly peel back Darling's flesh, just to see what was underneath.

"Yes, Sir..." she said quietly. Her voice was very soft but her eyes were truthful. She flinched as he hovered over her, not quite touching her. "have I done something to upset you?"

Severus could see the reflection of himself in her eyes, her puplis like tiny blackened mirrors. He paused at that, realizing that he was scaring her. He wasn't sure why he felt so _hostile_ but he didn't want her to be afraid. He laid both hands on either shoulder and stared into her eyes before kissing her hard. She kissed him back, wearily at first but then she threw herself into it. After a few minutes he drug himself away from her, his soul screaming out in protest. He gently stroked the blonde curls that hund around her face before tucking them behind her ear.

"You've not done anything wrong, Darling." He said, turning away from her and leaning over the cauldron his his head bowed and hands flat in either side of the table. He remained there a moment before turning off the burner.

"Is it done?" She asked, cautiously approaching him. Severus nodded, stepping to the side and inviting her to come look at it. He felt a mixture of pride and weariness at his perceived accomplishment.

"Oh Severus, congradulations!" She enthused, her eyes shiny with excitement. Darling hugged his arm and he pulled it away quickly. She looked at him in confusion, her lip trembling.

"I need to sleep... I'm sorry. Darling.Go back to your House... please."

A hurt look crossed her fine features, her mouth opened slightly and she looked at him with wide questioning eyes.

"I thought I'd be able to stay here tonight..." but she looked down at her feet and said nothing more.

"Not tonight." He said firmly, breathing in through his nose and out of his mouth slowly and deeply. _He wouldn't throw a tantrum._ _Not until she left..._

"Are you angry with me?" She asked quietly.

The agitation that Severus had been feeling mounted, feeling like bile rising up the back of his throat with anger.

"For the last time, no. I am not angry with you. I need to sleep and I'd like to be _alone._ " He snarled at her, his temper immediately squelched by the sight of her trembling lip and her hurt eyes. "Oh, Darling..." he groaned, intending to reach for her but she stepped back swiftly and ran from the room.


	13. 13

**As you well know, I am not the original creator of Harry Potter and I own nothing if the Potter-Verse.***

 **To _OtherWorlder81,_ I know what you mean. It's nothing short of characteristic of him, poor guy is trying so hard though.***

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Darling left the Potion's classroom at a blind sprint. She stopped at the end of the corridor and listened for the sound of pursuing feet, even though she knew that Severus would never _run_ after her... but maybe he'd walk fast. After a few minutes of hoping and watching, Darling gave up with a sigh.

Of course he wouldn't come after her. Not right now, at the very least...

Darling turned and climbed the stairs, deciding to stalk around the halls. She didn't want to go back to the commons. Her stomach was still hurting and she was still bleeding, but it was now more like a regular period. She didn't expect special treatment... even given what was happening... but it still hurt, both physically and emotionally. She needed him with her until this was over but she knew that he wanted his space.

Darling scrubbed fiercely at her eyes with the sleeves of her red sweater and wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't want to feel so alone so she looked at the paintings, taking in their various scenes and characters when a loud cackling stopped her.

 _"Girly goldy lochs has no bearses to stay with for Chrissymas!?"_ A voice said, cackling and making rude noises.

Darling whirled around in the corridor, looking for whoever had made the sound, but saw nothing. She'd never encountered Peeves the Poltergeist before, but she figured that it was him.

"No, I'm staying at Hogwarts for Christmas." She answered, continuing to walk down the hall. A loud squeal next to her made her startle.

" _Poor little Goldy_ _Locks with eyes so red...SOMEBODY_ _HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN PROFESSOR SNAPE'S BED!"_ Peeves scretched loudly, his eyes malicious and a huge smile on his face. Darling paled.

"Peeves! Please, don't say that." She pleaded, looking furtivley up and down the hall. The Poltergeist cackled louder. Thankfully, there was no one else around, but that didn't mean that someone couldn't possibly hear it.

 _"But Goldsy-Gold Goldy Locks has been a bad bad girl... should peevesie tell Head Master about Goldy sleeping in a big bad bears bed? Was this one too hard or jussssttt right?"_ The ghost asked her, floating upside down and making the pictures on the wall rattle in their frames with his laughter. The occupants of the painting startled and made angry sounds, but Peeves didn't care.

Darling's nostrils flared, her chest heaving with upset and embarassment as the Poltergeist continued to taunt her.

" _Oh, yes. We ghosties and ghouls know most everything... why, we even know the truth."_ Peeves said cryptically, sliding sly manic eyes towards her.

"The Head Master already knows, so just leave me alone!" She yelled at Peeves who looked down at her in shock.

" _Oh well,"_ he sighed dejectedly before a sinister look came into his wild eyes, _"Peevesie still knows things about Mister Greasy that Goldsy doesn't. Things so creepy scary, bad bewarey that Goldsy would never want to be with him again_." He came close to her face, stroking her hair with his ethereal fingertips. She pulled away, frightened.

"What are you talking about?"

Peeves only chucked, then fixed her with a look of pity. " _Oh... poor Goldsy-Gold... we shan't tell_."

He disappeared right before her eyes, leaving her feeling extremely troubled. _What could he possibly know?_

Severus was a scary man-this she already knew from expirience- but she loved him. Darling didn't think there was _anything_ about him that would make her not want to be with him anymore.

She shook her head, tossing golden curls with the movement. She hurried down the dimly lit corridor to find her way back to the stair before Peeves or something worse decided to bother her again. Her thoughts were in a tangle as she neared the Hufflepuff House, her steps slow and unsure. She didn't want to sleep alone... but Severus had been adamnite that she didn't bother him.

Hurt crackled along the soft edges of her heart. _He didn't mean_ _it. You know he was just bothered by Dumbledor... he loves you. He said so._

She tried to be comforted by that, and it did lift her spirits slightly. She had no reason to doubt his love. Everyone had bad days.

She passed the kitchens, smiling at the familiar paintings of fruit and bread and Wine and cheese until she came to the shadowy alcove. The barrels were unassuming, but she lifted her hand and knocked to the rythm of "Hel-ga Huff-le-puff" and the barrel slid open to reveil the sloping passage that would lead to her common room.

Once inside, the barrel's lid slid shut behind her and she found herself in the cozy, sunny hued room. Plants hung from the ceiling of all manner and graced each and every table, and really... whatever flat surface that was available. Her eyes travled to the painting of Helga Hufflepuff above the mantle. She toasted with a golden goblet, her eyes twinkling.

It felt worlds apart from Severus's dark and chilly dungeon... Her face fell as the comfort of the familiar surroundings faded away. With her House empty for the holiday, she'd be completely alone. With that thought in mind-as well as the late time- she entered the girls dormitories through the large circular doorway.

She sat down on her bed, picking at a stray bit of thread on the brightly quilted duvet before throwing herself down upon her pillows. She'd been doing an awful lot of crying lately... but now it seemed that she couldn't cry. Nothing had happened.

Not _really._

The Head Master was upset, but Severus didn't get fired nor she expelled, and he even told them they could continue their relationship- well, kind of. He wasn't too happy about it but as long as they remained discreet...

Severus was just tired and stressed. He needed his space... but when he was ready, he'd come back. She was sure of it. This thought consoled her. She went to use the bathroom and brush her teeth. Almost as an after thought, she wetted her hair brush and ran it lightly through her curls to break up any forming tangles and then she dressed for bed.

The comfort of her warm flannel night gown was much needed, and it seemed silly... but it really helped. The lights went off at her request and she snuggled under her blankets, clutching a pillow to her chest and pretending it was Severus.

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Severus sat infront of his fireplace with blood shot eyes and the sad aroma of whiskey on his breath. He was wallowing in misery. He pursed his lips, feeling beyond pathetic.

He'd begun drinking shortly after Darling left and he was definitely drunk. His head swam with disjointed thoughts that made perfect sense in the moment.

 _I don't deserve her._

How could _he_ ever be enough for her? He was 30 years old, almost twice her age. She would grow up, but he'd always be the same surly man that children were afraid of. She'd mature and eventually... she would move past this school girl infatuation. He had no doubt she believed she loved him, but what did the girl know? She'd never even been kissed before him.

He was her first... and in a strange way it comforted him to know that she'd always remember him. You _always_ remembered your first love... he sure did remember his.

The image of Lilly rose before his minds eye with a soft smile and he shut his eyes. Her figurative ghost had haunted him since the night he'd come to Godric's Hallow and found her body limp and unresponsive. He'd cried harder than he'd ever cried before. The small boy in the crib next to him also cried, not understanding. He hadn't known then that the Dark Lord had been vanquished, so he simply left. He couldn't take the small child with him, of course.

The boy, Harry, would start next year. He wished he could keep Lilly from his mind but it would be _impossible_ when he'd have to see her and James Potter's son everyday...

He glanced blearily down at his glass before pouring the rest down his throat. He scorgified it and levitated it shakily back into his liquor cabinet with a sigh.

He truly was a masochist. He loved the pain that her memory instilled into him. He loved the way it made him feel alive and human... and that's why he held on. Even after all of these years, he kept her in his thoughts as a reminder of what happened when he allowed himself to care for others.

 _But maybe that was changing._

He had his suspicions that the Dark Lord was still out there... somewhere. His Dark Mark hadn't stirred since that day, however. All of the old Death Eaters believed that he was gone for good except for Severus... and maybe Lucius.

He frowned. _Oh, Lucius. That pathetic, cruel, pretentious bastard._ They'd once been good friends until Severus had turned to Dumbledor. His eyes finally cleared of hate after Lilly's death. He never believed in blood purification to begin with- being half blood himself- he was just angry. He was an upset little boy who wanted to hurt people as he'd been hurt... if he'd have known what kind of pain the Dark Lord had regularly inflicted upon his Death Eaters he doubted he would have ever joined.

There were months of his life missing in torture at the hands of his Master.

His thoughts took an even darker turn and his mind immediately flared at him in warning; _Abandon hope, all ye who enter here._

He chuckled, a pitiful and humorless sound before he staggered to his feet and smoothed his clothing and hair. He reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a small vial. An energy draught. It wouldn't be as effective as real sleep, but it'd clear his mind and make him feel rested for about 8 hours... they'd been keeping him going for many years, after all. It was common for him to go three days before resting in the past, and even now two days wasn't so much of a stretch. He downed the bitter potion quickly, knowing for a fact that he could mix alcohol without any effect and he left his chambers.

Darling would be in bed by now, but that didn't matter. He wanted to see her and to apologise for his behavior. A part of him knew it was a bad idea to go with so much alcohol coursing through him and making his tongue loose, but he loved her. Before he knew it, he was staring at the hidden entrance to the Hufflepuff House.

All teachers knew how to get into each house, and the wards against male and female students entering each other's dorms didn't apply to them. They had to be able to get to the students in case of disaster.

He'd never been in the Hufflepuff common room before. He lingered, uncharacteristically nervous. What if she didn't want to see him?

 _Of course,_ _she wants to see you._ His mind growled, pushing him to go.

He knocked "Hel-ga Huff-le-puff" and the barrels slid open, allowing him access. He crawled into the narrow opening and out of the other side. The room was perpetually bright, even in the dark of night with the fireplace burning he could see that nearly everything in the room was either yellow or black. It was a room much like Pomona... and Darling herself. It felt like a Hufflepuff.

The thought made him smile as he made his way to the girls' dormitory. He passed by several empty rooms before he found Darling.

A small ribbon of moonlight spilled through the narrow window by her bed, allowing just enough light to see her. Her blonde curls were spread over the pillows. She lay on her side, hugging a pillow to herself and sleeping soundly. He watched her for several minutes, just breathing in the moonlight until he slid his arms underneath her and lifted her to his chest while he sat down and leaned back on her bed.

She stirred, her eye lids fluttering open. "Severus..." she whispered, "what are you doing here?"

He didn't answer, bending to kiss her gently. "I missed you."

He continued to cradle her in his arms, holding her like it would be the last time until she fell back to sleep.

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Severus awoke with a stiff neck and his arm tingling and burning with numbness in an unfamiliar sunny room. The scent of Darling hit him and he remembered fragments of his drunken journey to the Hufflepuff House. He glanced down at her slight form in his arms, she was still sleeping but he couldn't hold this position for much longer and it seemed as though it was time to awake anyway.

He pulled her tighter to him, ignoring the pain shooting up his arm and he kissed her.

"It's time to wake up, Darling."

She roused from slumber with a groan and Severus stood up, laying her back down on her bed. He scorgified himself to clean his clothes and hair, but his breath still smelled of whiskey.

She sat up, looking at him in confusion. "Oh... I thought that it was just a dream that I had... how'd you get in here? The girls' dormitories are enchanted to keep boys out."

He smirked at her, "I'm a man, not a boy. All teachers have access to the student dormitories, regardless of their sex." He explained.

"I didn't think of that." She blushed, running a hand over her night gown self consciously.

"Would you like me to wait in your commons while you dress?" He asked, looking at her with a slight smile. He wasn't making fun of her, but he had seen her undressed before... he'd even done the undressing.

"Um...yes, please. I'm sorry." Her face burned even brighter red.

He stepped out without a word. ducking through the rounded doorway and making his way to the bright commons. Severus examined the plethora of plant life that called the Hufflepuff house home. The ceiling was low, and several potted ivies and ferns hung from it, their leaves falling gracefully over the sides of their pots to dangle low enough to cause you to duck so they wouldn't brush the top of your head as you passed.

He heard soft footsteps and turned to see Darling who had pulled on an grey oversized muggle sweater and a strange pair of black pants that appeared to be skin tight. On her feet were flimsy black shoes and her hair was somewhat contained in a clip with tendrils framing her face.

It was the messiest look he'd ever seen on her, but he had to admit that it made his heart flop.

He wasn't a man who'd describe anything as being adorable... but she was. He enjoyed the relaxed look. He walked towards her with a smiled and leaned down to kiss her, his hand sneaking up and taking the clip out of her hair to allow it to spill down her back.

He pulled back, handing her the clip.

"Do you not like my hair up?" She asked quizically, one golden brow raised.

"Not particularly." Severus answered her.

"Oh..." she glanced away but Severus shook his head, clarifying.

"I just prefer it like this. I love the way your curls spill over your shoulders and frame your face. You remind me of one of those muggle toys... a porcelain doll."

She blushed furiously, a nervous giggle escaping. "Thank you, Severus."

After spending some time lounging around Darling's common room he slipped out, instructing her to wait a few minutes before heading to breakfast to avoid arriving together.

He sat down at the table across from the Gryffindor Wisener twins who shrinked away and fell silent at his presence. He raised a brow at them but said nothing. Feigning boredom as the girls ate.

Head Master Dumbledor was already seated, engaged in polite conversation with Minerva. The man glanced in his direction but said nothing, his eyes flickering to the chair that Darling would be occupying momentarily with a glimmer.

A moment later the Hufflepuff entered, walking in shyly. Dumbledor turned and looked at her with a smile that shocked Darling, but when he gestured to the seat besides Severus she went quietly and sat down.

Her plate immediately filled with Eggs, sausage, and hashbrowns with a side of jellied toast and a cup of coffee that she added sugar and cream to. She ate in silence next to him, relaxing only when Severus brushed her thigh with his hand under the table.

After Darling finished eating she turned to the Head Master. "Sir, may I go into Hogsmeade today to gather last minute presents?"

He watched her over his half mooned spectacles for a few moments before he smiled. "Only if a Professor is willing to escort you." His eyes slid meaningfully to Severus, who sighed.

"I assume that by your look you are volunteering me, Head Master?" He asked, his tone irritated. He wasn't looking at her, but he seemed to sense her sudden alarm because his hand returned to her thigh, giving her kneecap a reassuring squeeze.

"I insinuated no such thing, but that's very good of you Severus." Dumbledor said, his blue eyes full of mischief.

Severus frowned. "Indeed." He then rose from the table, pretending to be agitated. "If you are finished, go to your dormitory and put on more appropriate attire. Those ridiculous pants and shoes will leave you frost bitten within the hour."

Darling nodded, rising as well and going to change.


	14. 14

**Thank you all for taking the time to follow Mistakes and Misgivings, I hope you're enjoying it! As always, I own nothing of the Potter-Verse.*** ***To _JadeDoeAlways_ I know. I had been thinking of a way to add in Peeves, because really... his character is way too fun not to put in.*** ***To _OtherWorlder81_ , don't worry. Much head-in-arse behavior will increase in frequency... I'm not sure why that prospect makes me so happy. lol.***

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Darling had exchanged her ballet flats and leggings for a pair of jeans and boots. Her oversized sweater was replaced by one that was dark blue and fit well. She pulled on her jacket and gloves, settling her cloak around her shoulders and then scrutinized her face in the mirror.

She didn't look any different. Not really... but she felt _older_ somehow. She wasn't sure why. Was it because she was no longer a virgin? She doubted it... or maybe it was because of the baby she'd lost, knowing that she would have been someone's mother. She watched her eyes in the mirror darkening from light green to a deep emerald.

The evidence of miscarriage was gone now. She was barely bleeding today but her stomach didn't hurt. She expected it to only last a few more days at the most. Two days before Christmas...

She suddenly remembered the dark man waiting for her down stairs and left to go meet him, pulling her purse strap across her shoulder.

Severus was waiting at the doorway for her, appearing bored and irritated, as though this were all a waste of his time. She eyed him wearily, but he said nothing at her approach. He'd been so nice this morning and his sudden aloofness made her self conscious.

"Are you ready?" She asked, using her most cheerful voice and smiling at him. His disinterested gaze greeted her as he turned on booted heel without so much as a 'follow me'. Her face fell, apprehension blooming in her chest.

 _I thought everything was fine... he even held me this morning._

Severus didn't really look at her or talk to her on their way to Hogsmeade and she was growing more and more worried as the silence between them deepened.

 _Is he mad because Dumbledor made him come to Hogsmeade with me?_

Thank you, Severus..." His eyes slid to her, still hard as obsidian. It made her feel like all the light was being pulled into them. They looked... empty... "for taking me to buy presents." she finished quietly, looking away from him. She couldn't stand to see that look in his eyes, not when he had normally been so kind to her. His eyes were never hard when he looked at her.

He still didn't speak, he just nodded curtly and shoved his ungloved hands deep into his pockets and waited. They stared at each other in the snow for a long moment.

"Well... I'm going to go look around now. Are you going to go with me or-" she broke off as he interrupted.

"I'll be at the Three Broom Sticks. Come and locate me when you're finished." He said, walking away from her.

Her temper flared as both anger and hurt burst inside her at once. She gritted her teeth to keep from lashing out at him, knowing it would do no good and not really wanting to do it to begin with.

She watched him go, the anger burning inside her kept her warm as she made her way to the small book store, the sign proclaiming "McLear Books and Baubles" and slipped in.

It was warmer in the bookstore and a younger woman, maybe in her mid 20's stood behind the counter. She leaned bordly against it. If she noticed Darling, she didn't show it. She looked a lot how Darling felt. Agitated and lonely.

She made her way to her and smiled pleasantly. "Hello, my name is Darling Fairchild."

The woman blinked at her in surprise before the hand that her chin rested on went to the counter and she smiled. "Hello, Darling. My name is Cara McLear. My father owns the shop, but I manage it most of the week. Can I help you find anything?"

"I'm actually looking for books on potions, perhaps even rare plants that have documented usage for potions. It's a gift for someone... do you have any?" Darling asked, keeping her tone cheerful. Cara's smile grew and it made hrt heart feel lighter. She loved making people feel better, even when she, herself felt down.

"We do, actually. Follow me!" The woman said and Darling followed. She slipped behind the counter and through a room full of strange things, one of them being a heliocentric model that appeared to be enchanted to move in correct time on its own with the use of ancient runes. She looked it over inquisitively, but she didn't recognise any of the stones or crystals that had runes carved into them and so she moved on.

Cara led her to a large display case at the back of the room, filled with tomes bound in dyed leather. "These ones are new releases," she said, unlocking the case. "there's one in particular that I thought you'd find interesting. It's a book full of theoretical theory with notated applications of ingredients used in potions making. It also has several rarer potion recipes in it, including the Wolf's Bane potion."

Darling took it gently, the dark green leather was cold even through her gloves. The gold lettering on the cover stood out in nice contrast.

 _The Unabriged Encyclopedia of Theorum._

She opened it carefully and scanned through its contents. She thought it would be perfect and she smiled at Cara. "I'd like this one, but I'd also like to see the black letter book on the left."

Cara followed her gaze, blinking in surprise when it landed on _Defensive Potions and Practicality._ Some of those are quite dangerous... and very difficult." She warned but brought it down anyway. Darling looked at it in excitement, and practically jumped for joy when from a quick scan it appeared to be something Severus would treasure.

"I'll take these two." She smiled up at Cara, excitement pouring out of her. The other woman couldn't help but smile.

"He must be really special, huh?" She asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Yes... he is." Darling blushed. Cara laughed, but she knew it wasn't at her.

Darling followed her back to the counter and paid for the books and Cara gift wrapped them for her. She thanked her and shrunk them small enough to put them in her purse and set off to find Severus, having already purchased Calista's present and not really having anyone else close enough to warrant gift giving.

She paused at the entrance to the Three Broom Sticks, a glower sliding over her face. A woman with light brown hair and a red-painted mouth was talking to Severus, her lips close to his ear. A cold coil of jealousy had taken residence in her stomach. _Who was she?_

Severus shook his head and the woman trailed a light hand over his back and moved on, talking to another woman in the corner.

Darling decided to ignore it, but she waiting a few minutes to browse the part of the inn that sold trinkets and the like. She spied a pair of soft black leather gloves with a permanent warming charm on them and she picked those as well, paying for them and tucking them into her purse before she went over to Severus.

She waited quietly beside him until he looked at her. His eyes softened momentarily and then they were back to being unreadable.

"Are you finished, Miss Fairchild?" He asked, his voice a low rumble. She flinched but recovered, nodding her head.

He almost always called her Darling... and now she was Miss Fairchild?

Severus pushed himself away from the bar and stood, scanning the room and walking towards the door. She followed, even though he said nothing and then they were walking through the snow. Darling held back tears that threatened to fall. She didn't know why he was acting like this... but she really wished that he'd stop.

When they reached the castle, Darling was astonished that Severus still didn't say anything to her. He didn't acknowledge her in the least... he just walked through the doors without a care in the world and went straight to the Great Hall.

It was lunch time now, but she didn't feel like eating and so she went back to her commons. All the joy of Christmas shopping having been sucked out of her. She sat in front of the Common room fireplace and pulled out the presents and looked at them with a frown, the sudden urge to chuck them into the flames gripped her. Instead, she return them to their normal sizes and simply placed them under the Christmas tree.


	15. 15

**I own nothing of the Potter-Verse. I'm happy to see that I'm still keeping your attention!*** ***To _OtherWorlder81,_ I know... he's so hot and cold, all the time.***

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Severus ran his hand across his face, his rough new whisker growth scraping his palm. He was viciously torn. He wanted to talk to Darling and to ease her fears... but on the other hand, he felt it would be best to stop this.

 _But how?_ It seemed simple. Don't speak to her. Don't engage her at all. He'd been spending most of his life giving everyone around him the cold shoulder... so why did it have to be so _hard?_ Of course, he knew the answer. He loved Darling... more than anything.

He gathered a rough handful of his hair and wretched it. As soon as lunch had concluded he all but ran to his office and slammed the door, blocking the entrance with his body as though hounds of hell were bearing down on him. For all he knew, they could have been. Given how distressed he was in his current state, he could very well believe it...

Darling wouldn't understand why he was acting this way, and how could he expect her to when he barely understood it himself?

His insides felt raw and torn. He knew Albus disapproved of their involvement but he was allowing it as long as they remained discreet.

 _Discreet._.. Severus thought hollowly. He had spent the majority of his life slinking around in the shadows and telling silver tongued lies. He'd done horrible, morally reprehensible things in the past... but it seemed wrong to treat what he felt for Darling as some dispicable thing that must remain hidden from the light of day. As though he nearly lusted for her and was using her in secret like some gullible plaything... _surely, that's not what Albus thinks?_

He shook his head physically to clear it. His long black hair, permanent oily from working over cauldrons every day for a decade, swung into his eyes. He gathered it impatiently and tucked it behind his ears.

 _Of course that's not what Albus thinks,_ his mind sneered at him. _If he did, do you honestly believe he'd willingly let you take advantage of a student under his guidance?_

He was undecided on that; Albus Dumbledor was a phenominal master manipulator, after all.

However, it was a valid point. He most likely would not allow it unless he truely believed in their feelings for one another and their abilities to remain discreet and secret until the time arose for it to be more proper.

It probably wouldn't make much difference in the opinion of the staff either way, they'd most likely always think his involvement with a younger woman- especially a former student- to be repulsive. But, he'd never really given a damn what they'd thought of him anyway.

He sat behind his desk, breathing in deeply to calm himself. He wasn't even sure if Darling would still want to be with him in years time.

Would it really be so lowly of him to fill his own glass? He had true feelings, after all. His love was real, and even if her's turned out to be no more substantial than a confused schoolgirl crush...

He bit back that thought. The very idea hurt too much to contemplate. This is, after all, what happened when affairs of the heart came into play. For every gram of beauty and gentkeness, it was equally as cutting and butal.

 _Unrequited love, most of all..._ xxxxxxxxxxx

Darling spent her evening sulking angrily. She'd already watered the common room plants, each and _every_ _last one_ and even that had only taken a little more than an hour.

She was angry and restless. Of course, it's not as though she'd never been angry before. She'd been angry for a _long_ time... not that most people would notice.

Darling prided herself on kindness and loyalty. She wanted to be the gentle someone who made everything better. The person you could count on. The one who was there when needed... and she was. Even when inside dark feelings stirred and slithered like venomous snakes.

It'd been a long time since she last allowed such maudlin thoughts and idea to cramp her thoughts. A lot had happened in the last two months... it was only natural and she knew from experience that shoving all of it down into that deep dark box that everyone kept inside of themselves would cause it to explode. So, to purge she had to take them out... one by one... and put them back where they belonged to process them.

She'd had to do it many times.

The night that Professor Snape had raped her had yet to be fully examined. She felt a lot of shame and anger over it, but it was easily overshadowed by her understanding of the situation and her newfound love for Severus. She carefully wrapped and placed this thought back inside.

The miscarriage... it had been awful- was awful... _is_ awful but she knew that she could survive it. She knew that _one day_ she'd have the chance to be a mother again and that it was okay that it wasn't soon. She hadn't been in a hurry to get pregnant to begin with. So she set that aside, to look at some more at length.

Then came Severus himself... and she didn't know what to think. He was often so gentle and loving and then he'd turn cold and cruel. She _knew_ he had to act that way in front of people, but in private it was more than she could take. It made her anger grow to think of the trip to Hogsmeade and what followed... and _who was that woman?_

Her eyes narrowed into jealous slits at the memory of her red lips pressed against his ear and whispering, her eager hands stroking his back and shoulders...

But... he'd said no. Obviously turning down whatever she'd offered or said. He hadn't perused or encouraged. That was a good sign... right?

It wasn't really in Darling's nature to be jealous and she had no illusions that she held any claim over Severus... not like a real lover would. She was only his lover in private...

 _In secret._

The thought made her feel unworthy but she knew in her rational mind that it _couldn't_ be any other way. If they were together it would remain and secret, in the darkness of his dungeon away from prying eyes.

He was, after all... Professor Snape.

Darling was a 16 year old student. It would be outrageous for them to peruse their extremely inappropriate relationship under public eye... not to mention... her parents would be beyond angry.

Her thoughts recoiled at the thought of her parents and she hurriedly shoved everything back inside her proverbial box and slammed the door shut.

Her parents were never something she enjoyed thinking about...

Darling sprawled out on the brightly patterned quilt, staring at the ceiling. It was nearing midnight now, but she wasn't tired. She knew, even during the holiday that curfew was still in effect, but she also knew that very few patrols of the halls would occur. She wanted to go see Severus... but she didn't think she could take it if he refused her. It wasn't that she was weak or that she just _had_ to be with him. She simply wanted him. It wasn't a need, no matter how much it felt like one.

 _But that doesn't stop it from hurting, does it?_

She jumped out of bed with determination flaring in her eyes and grabbed a leisure book titled _Forever Autumn_ and went to the commons to read. Darling would wait and see if he came to her tonight as he had last night.

He was able to move freely about the castle at any time he so chose, and knowing that her commons and house were empty, there was no risk to him. Severus would know that. She was certain that he'd take advantage of it again if he wanted to see her. She wasn't going to take the chance just to be thrown out of his office. If he wanted to see her, he would... but she wouldn't seek him out. If he didn't return- well, it seems the answer would be really clear as to where they lie with each other. She would always welcome him but she wouldn't allow him to yo-yo her around.

Darling knew she was worth stability and loyalty... and she also knew that Severus didn't know his own worth. She could show him so much love and devotion if only he would _let_ her.

But he was a stubborn man; she knew he would be shut up in his office and sulking. The thought made a tingle of sympathy but she fought it back. It _certainly_ wasn't her fault that he felt that way. She hadn't been cold to him in the least... and yet, she still wanted to take him in her arms and apologise for some unknown reason.

It may not be her fault, but she knew that she was the root cause of his stress. He loved her. He said so, and she believed Severus to be nothing if not a man of his word.


	16. 16

**Thank you for following! I do not own ANY of the right to Harry Potter. It belongs to JK alone.***

 ***To** _ **Starle**_ ** _tLove,_ I'm ready glad that you're enjoying it and yesssss... I'm trying really hard to work on it and upload daily. I have a toddler and I'm pregnant though, so I usually have to write it in pieces!***

 ***To _OtherWorlder81,_ I know... too bad that human emotions are so infuriatingly and deliciously complex.***

 ***And a special note to the guest reviewer** **, I know right? Darling is so sweet.***

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Christmas had come upon Hogwarts. It was a bright morning full of all of the anticipation that comes with it. Darling rolled over, pulling her blankets over her face.

She didn't want to get up yet. She'd spent a large portion of the night siting in the commons, waiting to see if Severus would make an appearance to apologise... or at the very lease, explain himself. He hadn't though, and so she'd gone to bed.

She heard the sound of a tea spoon being tapped against a cup and her eyes flew open and then narrowed suspiciously.

Perhaps Severus had come after all.

She wasn't exactly sure if she wanted to see him this morning or not, but before she could decide he slunk quietly into her room. She shut her eyes and pretended to still be asleep even though the sent of freshly baked gingerbread and sugar cookies tempted her.

"Darling," He said quietly, "I know that you're awake."

Darling didn't answer him. She knew it was childish but she was mad. He was doing it _again_.

She heard him set the tray he'd been carrying down on the bedside table, the edge of her mattress dipping under his weight as he slid underneath the covers. Grudgingly, Darling scooted to allow him in. His warm arm wrapped around her and he buried his face in her hair, in the way he often did. They lay like that for several moments before he spoke again.

"I know that I behaved... poorly... yesterday. I hurt your feelings and for that, I'm sorry. There are many things we'll have to talk about." His voice was barely a whisper at her back but she heard him. A few moments of silence spanned between them as she fought against herself. She didn't want to give in to his apology and his warmth just yet.

"I don't want you to treat me like that in private ever again." She said, her voice strong and clear. She felt him nod against her should and she turned in his arms to stare into his eyes. "I know you have to be that way in front of other students and teachers, but if you want to be with me... don't treat me like that. I'm not going to be with someone who makes me feel like I'm nothing to him whenever the mood strikes him."

His face and eyes were calm and he gazed at her with affection, a small half smile playing on his lips. "I understand, Darling... I would like to talk more about this later. Your tea is getting cold." Severus reached a gentle hand to her face and guided her into a kiss and she burrowed into him with her body. She missed him.

After a few more apologetic kisses and affectionate stroking they broke apart where Severus took up the tea tray once more and led her -still in her night gown- to the commons where a nice warm fired roared in the grate. He set the tray down on a table between two chairs and sank down into one, gesturing for her to sit in the one beside him.

Darling ran fingers through her hair to break up any clumps and pulled the curly mess over her shoulder and sat, straightening her nightgown and tucking her feet beneath her. Severus looked at her with interest, but said nothing. He picked up a tea cup and handed it to her.

She took it and peered down into it. Severus had added cream and sugar for her. She tasted it and couldn't help but smile.

"You remembered how I like my tea..." she said. Darling didn't know why but the idea that he renmembered touched her.

He nodded, "I hope you like it."

She beamed at him and then laughed at the confused look that crossed his face. "It's just that, of course you'd get it right. You're a Potions Master. You must have been watching what I added to my tea in your office the other day..." she trained off with a shy smile.

He smiled back, "Observation is a great and highly valuable skill that can help you in every aspect of day to day life." He picked up his own plain cup and sipped it thoughtfully.

Darling laughed but shook her head at his inquisitive look. He was so _literal._ She rose gratefully out of the chair and picked up the three presents she had gotten Severus from underneath the beautiful pine that was adorned with glass bulbs, tinsel and lights of every color. She brought them over to him.

He stared at the brightly wrapped parcels in her hands with puzzlement but didn't take them. Darling guessed that he didn't realize they were for him.

"Merry Christmas, Severus. These are for you... I really hope you enjoy them." She smiled shyly at him, once more attempting to hand them to him. He regained himself at that, his eyes flickering to hers and softening before he took them. He set them on the arm of the chair before digging into his robes pocket and producing a thin, long box wrapped in silver and green- traditional Slytherin colors.

He handed it to her wordlessly. Darling took it with surprise, her heart swelling.

 _He got me a present._

She dropped back into her arm chair and watched him, but all he did was stare at his presents.

"Well, aren't you going to open them?" She asked, beaming.

He nodded and picked up the smallest and began tearing away the paper to reveal the charmed leather gloves she'd bought him. A smile teased his lips as he looked at the permanent warming charms on them, touched by her remembrance of his gloveless state.

"Thank you, Darling." He smiled, slipping them on. He picked up the next parcel and quickly denuded it of paper, his eyes sparkling as he looked at it. "The Unabridged Encyclopedia of Theorum... this is a new release!" He enthused, and Darling giggled. She was so happy that he was enjoying it.

"Open the other one!" She said, practically wiggling with joy. He complied, tearing most of the paper off with one swipe to reveal the _Defense potions and practicality._

He stroked the cover thoughtfully, a smile transforming his face. "This one's also a new release... they've been on my list. I just hadn't got around to purchasing them yet." His dark eyes found hers and she was so thankful to see the joy in them.

Severus really needed more of that.

"You should open yours now," he said suddenly, growing nervous. Her gaze dropped to the small parcel in her lap and she slowly began unwrapping it to reveal a green velvet box. Darling pulled it open with care and nearly dropped it.

"Oh Severus, it's so beautiful!" She said, and it was.

The emeralds, silver and onyx complemented each other perfectly. She picked up the pendant at the bottom, realizing it was a locket with a glass face and her eyes misted with tears. Between the silver and glass were pressed and dried wildflowers that she recognized.

"Are these the flowers from your office that you conjured for me?" She asked, biting her lip and staring up at him.

He nodded and she set the necklace and box aside and jumped into his lap, hugging him tight, pressing her lips against his. He kissed her back; wrapping his arms around her instantly. They kissed passionately for many minutes until Darling finally broke away.

"Thank you, Severus. I love you."

He answered her by pulling her back down for another kiss. It was sweet and full of love and tenderness. She loved these precious moments with him, when he was soft and gentle and his real self could shine through the hard exterior he wore like armor. Darling was privileged to know that she alone was the one person he could be transparent with.

She wanted to give him the world and all of the good things in it. All of the love he'd been missing...

To soon, the kissing was over and he held her face in his hands. His face was deathly serious as he gazed into her eyes.

"I love you too, Darling."


	17. 17

***Disclaimer, I do not own Harry Potter or any familiar characters.*** ***I'm sorry for my absence, I've been dealing with a lot lately on top of being pregnant and chronically ill, Murphy has had it out for me for weeks and has just now decided to stop causing chaos! I hope you enjoy. :)*** **xxxxxxxxxxx**

Severus tried not to watch her in class. He really did. His betraying eyes would always find her when his mind was wondering as the students bent over their cauldrons and went about their work. She'd look up, as though she could feel his gaze lingering on her. When she was absolutely certain that no one else would see, she'd gift him that warm and loving smile that he was certain only Darling possessed.

Today she was working on a Pepper Up potion, her blonde curls secured firmly by a hair tie that strained against the thickness it held back. He remembered the way it smelled. The wildflower scent of those locks even haunted his dreams.

A certain part of his anatomy jerked at the memory of her body pressed against his, her sweet mouth against his that tasted like Honey Mead. The intoxicating scent of her hair when he buried his face in it to kiss her neck...

She was the sunshine, eternal summer, and happiness to his barren winter wasteland.

He swallowed hard. It'd been nearly a month since school had resumed and but for a few stolen kisses and longing gazes, they hadn't found time to be with each other. He _missed_ her.

He was certain that she did too, if her fond secret glances were anything to go by. She seemed to have a better time controlling her wandering eyes than he did.

His mouth quirked before he could help it as he watched her; her brows furrowed and her lips pressed into a thin line with concentration. He should have been watching her method not the way her eyes narrowed into suspicious slits and the precise movements of her lips as she mouthed instructions to herself, remembering those lips against his...

He consoled himself as he stared with the idea that anyone would merely think he was scrutinizing her stirring skills- even though they needed very little... if _any_ improvement.

With great effort, he tore his eyes away from her and took a deep, cleansing breath. It was a sad day when the self-control and composure of a 16 year old Hufflepuff beat out his own.

How could he help it though? He'd been alone for so long... now he had a companion. One that was the embodiment of gentleness and took meticulous care of him when she could. A scorching kiss here, a loving caress there... it was like he was addicted to her. When he was heading papers, he was thinking of her. When he slept, her eyes and full pink lips were all he could see.

 _Obsessed_ would be the word for it.

He needed to find a way to be with her again, just in her presence alone and uninterrupted. Even though he did want her again, he wouldn't press for more... _carnal_ encounters. If she wanted him, he'd of course be willing.

Even though she no longer flinched or stilled at his touch, the memory of that night had definitely left its mark. She was willing and pliant while they kissed, but he sensed her anxiety when his hands wandered down- sometimes it seemed as though of their own accord- and he'd hastily retreat. No matter that he'd made love to her already... he had still wounded her deeply, and no matter how many times - _if there were other_ _times-_ he wanted it to be on her terms with her absolute consent.

 **xxxxxxxxxxx**

After class, Darling stayed behind making an excuse to Calista that she needed to ask Professor about an assignment. Calista has never cared for their dark potions professor and so she'd groaned and made a face and left Darling to it.

Severus sat at his desk, his eyes dark and unreadable as usual. Her breath quickened as she approached him, waiting for him to betray his affection for her but he reminded still and impassive as normal, the classroom door was still ajar, after all.

"Good afternoon, Professor." She simpered, a small shy smile tugging at her mouth. Severus inclined his head and made a show of shuffling his papers.

"Good afternoon, Miss FairChild." He said, his voice soft and silken. A shiver ran over her. She loved the sound of his voice, it's slow seductive quality raising goose bumps over her arms. His eyes flickered to hers momentarily, like dark pools beneath his brows. His lips were pressed tightly together, his face blank.

Darling glanced at the door and then back at him and with a blush she leaned over the desk between them and pressed her lips against his. He made a startled noise and threw his hand out to close and lock the door with wandless magic. His arms were around her in a second, practically dragging her over the

desk to deepen the kiss.

His hungry mouth against hers was ferocious and startling. Her pulse was erratic as they kissed desperately, his hands pulling and caressing while her fingers wound in his hair. He broke away with a groan, the heat of the desire in his eyes making something stir in the pit of her stomach. He took a breath to steady himself.

"You ought to hurry on to lunch now, little Hufflepuff... you don't want to keep your friends waiting too long, lest they come to collect you."

Her face was red and her lips swollen from his kisses, desire pooling in her like some dark and wicked thing. It was... strange and hard to ignore. She bit her lip and nodded her head, rushing out the door, all the while feeling the pull to be closer to him.

Once the door shut behind Darling, Severus sighed and sank back down in his chair, his hand beneath the desk pressed roughly against his erection and he glowered. The stupid thing no longer seemed to obey him.

Darling had wanted him too, he could tell. He contented himself with the knowledge that she too, would be aching for his touch.


End file.
